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Understanding our Roles as Biblical Women

on September 7, 2012 by Jami Balmet 65 comments

I take my role as a Biblical woman very seriously. I know that the Lord has a plan for my life.

Currently, my primary role is as wife to my husband Jason and future Mommy to the twins preparing to make their way into this world in December.

I am a homemaker. A wife. A mother-to-be. A cook. A cleaner. And perfectly where God wants me to be.

Understanding our roles as biblical women

God’s design for womanhood

Do you know how I know this? God told me so in His word. He has left instructions for how He wants us to live. We just have to listen!

And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. ~ Titus 2:4-5

God instructs us that we are to love our husbands. We are to love our children! We are to be self-controlled, which means to constantly be striving against sin in our lives and to be pure.

He wants us to be working at home. I know being a stay at home wife and mother is HARD work. It takes constant diligence and work. He instructs us to be kind to our family and to others. This also can sometimes feel like a full time job!

And we are to be submissive to our husbands. Plain and simple, God has laid this out in His word.

Understanding our roles as biblical women

Just from these two simple verses we can glean all of that. Other Bible verses such as 1 Peter 3:1-4 and 1 Timothy 2:9-10 can help us to further understand our roles.

But we will never know what our Biblical roles are as women if we don’t STUDY! There are some excellent Biblical resources out there to help us understand our roles.

5 Resources to Help Understand Our Roles

1) The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace

This is hands down, my favorite book on Biblical womanhood. I have read it through twice and plan to do so many more times in my life.

It walks you through verse by verse on what it means to be a Biblical wife, mother, and sister in Christ. Peace gives so many real life examples and it is so easy to learn from her humble writing.

An excellent companion guide was also written for men and my husband and I HIGHLY recommend it: The Exemplary Husband.

2) Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World by Carolyn McCulley

McCulley writes from a the perspective of one who was caught up in the Feminist world for many years. She shares her experiences and her thoughts on Radical Womanhood within a Feminist world.

She presents many of the dangerous feminist ideas and thinking that have crept into our church today and taken hold of women’s hearts. A wonderful study on what it really means to be a Biblical woman!

3) Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother by Carolyn Mahaney

Mahaney takes 7 virtues found in Titus 2 and applies them to our lives and wives, mothers, and women of God. She is so humble with real experiences in her life.

She is open and honest about the reality of having to ask for help when you have little kids. She presents the Titus 2 model in a way that we can really identify with and grow towards.

4) Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes

My sisters and I are currently going through this book together. It’s a wonderful general overview of our lives as Godly women. It has sections on submission and joyfully serving. I highly recommend this study for women of any age, regardless of if they are married or not.

They also have a companion guide: Disciples of a Godly Man and a family study: Disciplines of a Godly Family.

5) True Woman 101: Divine Design: An Eight-Week Study on Biblical Womanhood by Mary Kassian and Nancy Leigh Demoss

I have not personally gone through this study yet, although I plan on doing it soon! But I highly respect both Kassian and Demoss. Their perspective on Biblical womanhood is rock solid Biblical.

Intentional By Grace is currently going through the study on their blog. Hop over and catch up in time for the second half of the study!

Of course, none of this takes the place of actual Scripture. Those study tools and Bible studies can help us to better understand the Bible, but they should never take the place of actual study and memorization of His word.

If we want to truly understand what the Lord has to say about our roles as Biblical Women, then we need to head to His word. We need to intentionally study what His word has to say on the subject and hide it in our hearts.

If we have daughters, we are to teach them what it means to be Biblical women. If we have sons, we must instruct them on what to look for in future wives. We must also instruct our own hearts on how to behave and think.

Memorizing God’s word on what it means to be Biblical women is vital! When our sons and daughters ask us about the Biblical role of women, will you know what to tell them?

Is is written on your heart in a way that your daily life spells out what a Biblical woman is? I know I need to work on this area and have God’s work close to my heart.

I decided to take up the challenge to memorize God’s word in this area. The Lord has already greatly helped me to battle anxiety through memorizing His word. Now I am deciding to hide His word in my heart concerning what it means to be a Biblical woman.

I am currently memorizing:

  • 1 Timothy 2:9-10
  • Colossians 3:18-24
  • Proverbs 19:14
  • Proverbs 18:22
  • Ephesians 5:22-24
  • 1 Peter 3:1-4
  • Titus 2:3-5
  • Proverbs 21:9,19

5 Books Every Christian Women Should Read2

Get my all new eBook: A Heart Prepared ~ A Simple and Effective Guide to Memorizing Scripture – for FREE for a limited time! Sign up to get my free newsletter and instantly download this free eBook! Find out more about the eBook HERE.

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  • Do you feel overwhelmed and like your house is out of control?
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  1. Another resource I’d add to this list is The Resolution for Women by Priscilla Shirer. It was an amazing book – so encouraging. I haven’t read any of these books but I have read others that encourage me in my vocation as a wife and mom and it’s so important to regularly read books like that. As you say, it’s hard to be a Biblical woman in today’s world so we need all the help we can get! 🙂 Thanks for sharing.

    • This is a great book and there is a companion book “The Resolution for Men” by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. These books were created from the movie “Courageous” by Sherwood Pictures (Alex Kendrick and the creators of “Flywheel,” “Facing the Giants,” and my favorite “Fireproof”). “The Resolution for Women” is a great book for women wanting to learn more about living by God’s principles, how to be content, raising godly children, and being a woman who blesses her husband (Proverbs 31:10-31)

  2. Jami – Thanks so much for sharing. I completely agree with you. 🙂 I own a photography business but I photograph weddings and portraits during the evenings and weekends (not overbooking) and am able to stay home with my children 90% of the time. Processing photos I can do while my boys are in school and my two younger ones take a nap. I love my career but my most important job is being a wife and mother and that will always come first. 🙂 I really like your blog and am a new follower. 🙂

  3. Hi Jami,

    The first four books you suggested I have read since I first married almost five years ago at 21. I also love Elisabeth Elliot’s Let Me Be A Woman…Alot of women like Carolyn Mahaney and Carolyn McCulley were influenced by her. So excited you are passionate about Biblical womanhood too!

    By the way, I love those memory cards. Do you ship internationally? I live in New Zealand.

  4. Wow. You’ve been horribly brainwashed. I can only wonder if you insist that men be as restricted in how they may live their lives as you seem to feel about women.

    It saddens me that it’s 2013, and a young woman like you still has these antiquated ideas about gender roles.

    Tell me, if you find out one day that Christianity is all a grand hoax, will you feel you’ve wasted your life?

    • Brianne,
      I fully support being a stay at home. The reasons we have so many problems is that today, there is no one their to nurture the home. Women today have so much on them that they barley can keep their sanity. Maybe your the one that is brainwashed by because you are really not happy with trying to be supermom and wife. That’s’ if your married and if not you are part of the working force women who’s family falls into the high divorce rate and it’s sad to see the children having to suffer. I feel today that familys want to have so many materialistic things that they put it before their kids. Now, I am not for abuse and if that is the reason that a family is split then I can understand she has to work to support her family or the husbands health. That is the problem with todays society, everybody wants to downgrade a stay at home mom. But things years age were a lot better than today, BECAUSE MOTHERS ARE THERE TO NUTURE THE FAMILY. Who knows the reason you might be negative is your stressed and not happy because debt has made you have to work . I support all mothers staying at home , maybe things in this world would be better IF most mothers stayed at home. And I don’t care if it is 2042 if you a working mom due to debt of materialistic stuff, it shows that is more important than your family. Looks like to me you have been brainwashed about gender roles, You go by worldly standards and maybe one day you will feel you have wasted your life and your families, because you will see the hoax was on you. BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM ROCKS , BECUASE I WOULD NOT TRADE ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD TO HAVE THE BLESSINGS FROM GOD THAT HE GAVE TO HAVE SO MUCH PERCIOUS TIME WITH MY FAMILY, THAT’S RIGHT, I AM PROUD OF ALL STAY AT HOME MOMS.YOU GO GIRLS. FROM A STRAIGHT TO THE POINT FOLLWER OF CHRSIT. OH,AND IF YOUR MAD THEN OH WELL THE TRUTH HURTS.

      • You’re welcome to live your life however you please, but don’t pretend to know what’s best for half the world’s population. I would be miserable as a stay-at-home mom (or a mom at all)…not to mention, by ordering women to be stay-at-home moms with no job skills, you are effectively shackling them to their husbands. If their husbands turn out to be abusers, they have no means of living independently and removing themselves and their children from a dangerous situation. Don’t pretend it’s all flowers and butterflies when there are practical realities that you are brushing aside.

      • Hello. I must admit that I am struggling with this belief that the biblical role of women is to be a stay-at-home wife. Firstly, in Genesis, both man and woman were given the command to be fruitful, multiply and have dominion. Secondly, a lot of great things would be missing from the world if every single mother chose to stay at home. Thirdly, I have always seen great progress in teams that are equally balanced in terms of gender, let’s face it, men are not complete, they need a woman’s opinion and way of thinking to compliment their own. And that is probably why families these days are messed up, not because women aren’t staying at home, but because men aren’t taking up their end in the partnership. When the bible says to train our children in godly ways, it wasn’t only addressing mothers. I also don’t think that one verse encouraging women to work at their homes necessary means that they must only work at their homes. The proverbs 31 woman managed her household quite well but still ran business transactions. That being said, I respect your choice.

      • Perhaps the way you worded it is what was so offensive. I also took offense to how you put it. God has called YOU to be a homemaker and a mother, and to work in the home. We all have a different calling. Perhaps it is your calling because you could not handle to role of homemaker, mother and full time employee outside of the home. I have worked my entire adult life, I have raised 2 children and not my 3 grandchildren, and I work outside the home. If i am going to hell for that, then so be it, but I know my God is a loving and gracious God, and that He approves of my wifely role. Yes, I pray daily that I may be a Godly woman, but just because I work outside of the home does not mean that I am not. What works for YOU does just that, works for YOU. God did not call me to be a stay at home nothing.

        • My goodness -Jami is taking Biblical teachings and simply posted a very concise, kind and loving post. Yes it does state in the Bible that a woman’s primary role is in the home. There are circumstances (divorce, illness, death, abuse, etc) when a woman has to be both the provider and caretake and my goodness – I have the HIGHEST respect and admiration for these women but please don’t be angry at God or anyone else for these unfortunate situations. Pray and God heals and guides us all.

      • Hi,

        As a Christian, reading your reply hurt me. Even though it wasn’t directed towards me, I could just feel pure judgement and anger. We are all passionate on certain topics but there really is no need to make assumptions and attack someone you don’t even know. That isn’t Godly at all. If someone doesn’t agree or we feel we need to rebuke them, it should be in a kind and gentle way. Definitely not trying to tear them down and stereotype them. I loved the article. Wives/Mothers are not ungodly because they work. The Proverbs 31 woman “She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant” (Proverbs 31:24) All in all, God said to love our neighbor even if that’s an enemy. A stranger who disagrees with you deserves as much respect and regard as the next person.

        • Thank you Monique for your kind and compassionate words. The world is filled with enough criticism, judgement and betrayal – we need to help and uplift each other.

    • Hi Brianne,
      I am not a mom and work full time. But I respect God’s role for a wife and mother in the home. It is the only way to make a marriage work. If I don’t submit my very dominating personality to my husband, he will have no desire to comfort, protect and fiercely love me the way every woman’s heart desires.
      The question is, if when YOU die and you find out there really is a God who gave sinners an opportunity to be saved from their wretched lives and live a life of meaning, purpose and purity, and you chose NOT to, will you be happy with the consequences?
      If Christians do turn out to be wrong at least our lives were spent in devotion and love, something every soul on this planet searches for in often misguided places.

      Behold Brianne, Christ Jesus stands at the door of your heart and knocks. He does not force Himself in. He gives you the opportunity to open the door. For He so loves YOU that He gave His only Son, The Word become flesh, to die in your place so that, if YOU believe, you might live eternally with Him.

        • Dear Brianne,
          I follow where you’re coming from. You don’t understand how people can stand limiting themselves to what you think is a narrow view of life. I agree. That doesn’t make sense. Not, at least, in the context in which you take it.
          But before you write this view off as cruel and demeaning, you must first understand why we choose to live this way, the background.
          I do not know if you are a Christian or not. I know many people who believe in Christ and hold similar views as you do. That does not make them any less Christian. All that you need to become a Christian is to believe on Jesus and submit to Him as Lord of your life. There. It’s done. No matter how bad your theology is, or how deluded you are, you are going to heaven if you believe and live your life on that one fact.
          However, after conversion, there is, or should be, changes in a person’s life, and this is where the subject of your comment comes in. It would be totally weird to live like we live if God did not exist. So, why DO we live like this?
          The Christian life begins and ends with God. As Christians, we know that God is good and perfect and just and loving, all the things that make Him the epitome of what is good. Now that we are saved, we have a new purpose in life. No longer do we live for ourselves, but we submit to God in everything we do, because He is worthy of it, He created us, He saved us, and He loves us. He is our joy and out of that joy and gratitude and worship of who He is and what He has done comes a new purpose in life, to live to please our Savior. We believe His word, the Bible is inerrant and is His inspired word spoken to us, through the human writers He used to pen it. So, if He made us, knows what is best for us, and loves us above and beyond what we can even hope to imagine, would not you WANT to please Him by obeying what His word calls you to do? He knows what is best for you, because He designed you. And however crazy His way sounds to you, however limited it sounds from a human standpoint, it is the wisdom of the all-knowing God. “Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?” (1 Corinthians 1:20). You are sinful and will never see the full picture of what you are to live like. None of us will. But we have a God who is fully trustable, who knows us better than anyone will ever know us. Should not He of all people know how we are to live our lives to the fullest? “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they might have life and have it to the full.” (John 10:10) And wouldn’t it be a JOY to please Him – our Creator, Savior, and Lord – in the way we live our lives?
          This is why we as Christians live the way we do. So, while this may seem foolish and wrong to you, our standard of both wisdom and right is defined by our God, and we live to please Him, in every way we can.

        • Brianne,

          Sounds like you agree to disagree. Why not peruse a website that is more in line with your values? This is a site for “Gospel Centered Homemaking”, so this site is focused on ENCOURAGING those women who do choose to be homemakers & fulfill their God-given roles as women.

    • retweet sister! this post is just straight up sad. Women are incredible and strong beings that can contribute so much to our world.

    • With all due respects.
      What is your purpose in life other than being negative. Nobody asked for your opinion did they.?
      Get on with your own life and mind your “own” business.
      This is for like minded people wanting mutual cooperation & not your devisive tactics.
      If you are so happy what are you doing here & wasting your life?

  5. […] in December and I am busy making a home for our family. One very important aspect of being a Biblical homemaker is making sure that my family is eating […]

  6. I respect your decision to be a stay at home mother, and I agree that a woman’s first responsibility is to her family. I know (and often envy unfortunately) the time that stay at home mothers get to spend at work with their children. I also know many women who are not stay at home mothers and work to help keep a roof over the heads of their children and food in their bellies, but their kids are still their primary concern. I am blessed to know these women and respect the strange hours they work so that when their kids are home so are they.
    It has been my understanding that though the Bible clearly defines a woman’s primary role, there is no condemnation for a woman working to provide for her family. In fact I have been taught that the Proverbs 31 woman worked in her home first and away from it second; to provide for her family.
    I apologize for rambling, but I was very concerned with the comments made by one woman about ‘brainwashing’.
    I’m not a feminist, and I make no apologies for that. I do not like that label, and there are many things about that movement that I do not care for. However, it is my understanding (from some of my more liberal friends) that they feel feminism is about choice. I believe everyone, including commenting parties on blogs, should respect someone’s right to choose their path. Frankly, I think it’s very similar to when I read scripture in groups.
    The Holy Spirit may put on my heart something that He doesn’t on yours and vice versa. If God intended for us to live identical lives he wouldn’t have made so many colors in the rainbow. We should all be on the path towards Christ, but just because you go to Bible study every Wednesday night doesn’t mean that study is for me. On the flip side, just because I teach teens the Gospel in my spare time doesn’t mean that everyone should work with teens (I’m still surprised that God put that on my heart). God has work for each of us, as we are all part of the body of Christ. The difference is you may be a pinkie finger and I may be a big toe… we’re all part of the body of Christ.

  7. Lately I have been struggling with things that just need to be said, prayers that need to be prayed…. no one else seems to receive them if I refuse to speak them, and I am bothered by them until they are shared. When I examine various examinations of 1Timothy and 1 Corinthians 14, many even deny God will speak through a woman, and advise women be silent, period, even suggesting that since some prophecy would be exhortation or authoritative just as what it is, prophecy is now stilled and we do not have to worry that a woman would get messages from God.

    I am struggling so horribly with this. My only option must be possession if there is no place for me to share when words are given to me at church. Ignoring the message or praying someone else speak it has never worked yet.

    • It never says that God can not speak through a woman. When Paul says that “women must remain silent and ask their questions to their husbands at home”, he is referring to the fact that women and men were seated separately in the church, just as they are in the Jewish synagogues due to culture. Since women were extremely uneducated, they had many more questions than the men and would ask questions across the aisle which would interrupt the service. He is not saying that women must not speak at all, but that if a women had a question that she should wait until later to bring it up. Women were a large part in Paul’s ministry and it is highly unlikely that he is insisting that women not have a role in the church. One of his coworkers, Pricilla, has been accredited with more ministry roles than her husband, Aquila. She has received credit for founding churches and being one of Paul’s main collaborators more so than her husband. Women were not meant to be passive listeners, but involved practitioners and we are not confined to a certain lifestyle just because we were born as women. Being a wife and mother is great, but it is not a job that everyone chooses nor one that everyone should choose. I am single and able to fulfill God’s plan for my life. We are not cookie cutter clones, but individuals. I am studying to work overseas with middle eastern governments to help develop equality between everyone. I recently broke up with someone because our dreams were not the same and he expected me to put my plans on the back burner to allow him to accomplish his own goals. Feminism supports the idea that a woman doesn’t need a man to be complete. I know many who chose to marry and have kids, many that choose to stay single, and many who have no choice at all. Growing up, my best friend was raised by her single mother, Kerri. She was the most spirit driven women I have ever met and she worked full time and raised three kids. She had no choice, but she did what she had to. She didn’t spend as much time with her kids as she would have liked, but she was definitely a mother to them in every other way. Being the women God wants you to be is not a mom, or a wife, or a doctor, or a waitress, or even an international humanitarian director. He wants you to be a fully devoted Christ lover and follower. He has given us all different paths and there is not ‘one way’ for us to mold ourselves. It’s ok for a women to be independent and is many times healthy. She is not meant to be passive or silent. She is born to love God, love people, and love herself. If that is expressed by being a wife and mother, then she should strive to be the best that she can be. I hope this made sense. I ranted for a little while, but I wanted to help @Lisa.

  8. I’d encourage you to consider reading “On the other side of the garden” by Virginia Fugate. I found it to be fantastic biblical truth. God taught me a lot through this book. Wish I would have found it earlier.

  9. […] in her book Disciplines of a Godly woman, which I am currently reading by recommendation of YoungWifesGuide.com. I wanted to take a moment and share the system, hopefully it can help others as it’s helped […]

  10. My husband and I recently decided it would be for the best to have me stay home. I had been working for many years and accomplished many goals outside of the home; unfortunately inside of the home was suffering. We have two young children aged 9 and 10. They were struggling in school, my daughter beginning the early stages of puberty, my son turning towards anger and acting out for attention. I barely saw my children or husband. None of us were happy and we feared that it would only get worse. I resigned from my career as a food and beverage manager of a bar and restaurant and began the healing inside the home. It has been a month since we made this decision and it has been for the best. My anxiety and depression is nearly gone, my children are happy and trying to behave in an acceptable way, my husband is happier and more loving and attentive. We can’t afford much of what we used to; I find that I make most meals from scratch and DIY crafts vs expensive gifts, but it doesn’t matter anymore. This lifestyle isn’t for everyone; i didn’t believe it was for me either, but it is so rewarding. I came from a working family, working mother. My husband came from a different background where the women stayed home and took care of the house, children and husband. Everyone needs to make their own choice, but they should try both before judging. From one women to the next I am testifying that this is the best decision for my family and self.

  11. I am going to be a new wife when I graduate from school in 2 years. I’m going to school to be a nurse. My fiance and I have talked about putting off children for a year or two after marriage until I am in better health. I don’t see nursing potentially as a career but a calling. Is there a way I can happily balance being my 1st priority ( a wife and mother) and my 2nd priority ( healing others by physical and spiritual means)?

  12. May I recommend “A Woman After God’s Own Heart” by Elizabeth George…actually, anything by Elizabeth George are my go-to books on biblical womanhood. Also, “Girls Gone Wise In a World Gone Wild” by Mary A. Kassian is also excellent. Love your blog, thank you for posting! I’ve been married for thirty years, because God is faithful when we are faithful to be who He calls us to be: keepers at home. Love and blessings to you!

  13. I’m afraid being so focused on family is going to become an idol in your life and take you away from being focused on God. The Bible tells many stories of Godly women in it’s pages, and hardly any of them fit into the clean and neat paradigm of godly homemaker you put forth. Ruth was a widowed moabitess. Rahab a prostitute. Lydia appears alone in scripture running her own business. God loves and works with us in this messy world we live in. If there were neat, orderly solutions, Christ wouldn’t have had to die.
    Luke 12:51-53

  14. RI love the fact that we’re talking about women’s role as stated in the Bible. I don’t think it’s necessarily a matter of working outside the home or in the home but understanding our roles in the family. Proverbs 31 describes the worthy woman she is scribed as taking care of her household feeding and clothing them as well as working outside the home considering a field to buy ,selling fabrics to help support her familyII don’t believe that is necessarily wrong for a woman to work outside the home in an effort to help her family but when this is put before her family that is a different story or when she is mei herself the head of the house instead of her husband.I believe the fan feminist movement has poisoned our minds to believe that somehow our different roles as women are less important in some way than men’s different roles as men. Submission has become a dirty word and has lost its true meaning. thank you for these resources and thank you for talking about women’s true roll.

  15. What do you say to the woman who would like to stay home but cannot because of the myriad of health problems of her husband? Am I less Godly that I am supporting my family while he stays home?? Seems to me that God has a plan for everyone and that it is not up to us to judge others for the situations they are in. Those that stay home OR those who are working.

  16. I would love to learn more about being a Godly woman. I’m almost sixteen, but far older than that in maturity. I grew up a lot faster than I should of. I had the mindset of an eighteen year old at 12. I practically skipped my teen years, by society’s standards. I feel compelled by God to be a wife and mother quite soon, within the next five years. My mother and my godparents (father is deceased) think I’m crazy for wanting the homemaker lifestyle. “BuT you need to live” they say. “Go away to college, (but not too far), travel, work, meet many guys.” God has the perfect man for me. And I shall meet him Gods way. The husband that our Heavenly Father has for me is along the same ideals, I just know it. Any advice?

    • She makes a good point. However, if one is a true believer in Christ, God will be our priority. This was explained to me when I was ten, right after I got saved. Using the metaphor of a bookcase, on the top shelf is the Lord. One then skips several shelves, and the next priorities ( natural and spiritual family ) are there. If a true believer has sought to grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord, idolatry seems very unlikely. His beautiful holiness, our relationship day by day with Him; as well as just knowing Him better. As He is so high and holy, one is filled with awe.
      However, we are to work on any possible sins the Indwelling Holy Spirit convicts us of, through the Scripture He inspired ( progressive sanctification. ). And repent. He will help a true believer. Also other true Christian women at one’s church can help through ministries. Prayer helps also.

  17. The website is very beautiful. I struggle with the Biblical view of women that I read, and what I actually see. I live in a day when a woman no longer relies on her Father until she finds a mate that recognizes her virtue. I was taught to be independent, not dependent, although in all the fairy tales I read as a youth the handsome prince always came to the rescue. Not after she obtained a Masters and lived in her own home, but when she was held captive as a victim, by some oppressor without hope for deliverance.
    I understand Jesus as my deliverer, but I do not understand how a woman can learn to be independent, probably not a very good homemaker, not a Christian childhood and then when Jesus finally breaks through and finds her fit into this Christian mold of the perfect wife and mother and homemaker than does not worry that she has been afforded rights in society, but remains uneducated (as in Biblical Times) unable to be technically savvy (like this website) and as the weaker vessel submits her existence to her husband who teaches her scripture. Men and women are equal. They always have been. They were both created in the image of God. Not one weaker than the other, but one to be honored as a very superb piece of finery.
    Women and men are different, but women are not meant to be helpless, and I have a really good feeling that you are not helpless but an educated woman with all of the gifts that God gave you. I do not understand how a woman can say on one hand feminism is not okay, and on the other hand not have actually lived when women had no choices at all. To really be Biblical, the choices must be replaced with “just the way it is”.

  18. I have enjoyed reading your post. The most important thing in life is to be obedient to God’s Will and direction. It is difficult to be a full-time wife and mother today because it is not the social norm. Some time ago, mostly because I needed encouragement I think, I compiled a book of poetry about the importance of motherhood. Perhaps an excerpt from my introduction will be a blessing to you…

    “I … wanted to uphold motherhood as a valid and honorable ‘career’ choice. My decision to ‘opt out’ of full-time employment has enriched our family. (It also allowed me the time and energy to write this book! -) I realize, of course, that there are a multitude of different situations in this modern world and thus no rigid one-size-fits-all program for everyone. That said, I do believe there is a guiding principle that all mothers should follow: God first. What is God’s will for you and your family? The issue isn’t so much whether a mother works outside the home, but why…”
    Ultimately it is the ‘why’ that matters. God knows our hearts.
    Best Wishes to you!
    If you get a chance, please check out my web site for some encouraging (and silly) poetry for mothers!
    Lara Cilwik

  19. Hi, I am trying to get you’re book, however I’m having trouble. Thanks for your heart for other women. Gil He comes in Victory! Sarah

  20. Women are so beautifully diverse. We Christian women are no exception. Each of us has a differing perspective and interpretation of scripture, and that’s okay.

    The best way to be a Godly woman/wife is to live and breathe the Word of God and have a genuine relationship with Jesus. If we seek Him first with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength, then everything else will fall into place.

    I’m going through the “seven year itch” in marriage. It’s been pretty rough and my two kids are feeling the brunt of it. Our marriage counselor reminds us of this truth every session. It doesn’t matter what books you read (except the Bible of course), or what sermons you hear, what seminars you attend. What matters is that each person works on their own relationship with the Lord. When we’re close to Him, His love flows through us, and we can’t help but love our spouse and children the way that He intended.

    In other words, it’s not about a “formula”, it’s about Jesus. Sometimes we focus on the details, but God is focusing on our hearts. And we should do the same.

    A very special THANK YOU to all of you single moms who are reading this, who have the tremendous task of raising children, taking care of your home, and working hard outside the home. Some of you are even going to school at the same time! Thank you for everything you do and may God continue to pour out His grace upon you and your family!

  21. Hi
    I want to thank you! These past five months had been overwhelming, but very exciting. This past May I graduated from high school, married in July and I’m three months pregnant!!! My mother raised me and my four sisters to be the most productive homemaker, and a very supportive loving wife and mother. While my mother has done a fabulous job I feel it’s also good to get outside help. I found your website and it has done wonders for me!! I just want to thank you for sharing your helpful tips and ideas. I will most certainly will be checking in on a regular basis. And again thank you!

  22. Hello , My name is Janice , I am Brazilian , I live in Rio de Janeiro .
    Currently, my main role is as a wife for my husband Antonio Rocha and Mom to Katarina preparing to make their way in this world in December.
    I take my role as a biblical woman very seriously. I know that the Lord has a plan for my life.
    The site is very beautiful. I struggle with the biblical view of women that I read , and what I really see

  23. I agree with much of what you say, but I must correct something. You’re statement that, God expects women to be a stay at home mom, is in no way founded in scripture. If read carefully, the ultimate Godly expression of a wife in Proverbs 31 was a working business woman. Also, many woman during Jesus’s time worked as merchants, servants, and I’m sure many
    other occupations. Widows had to glean in the fields and due to many wars, there were many young widows. Ruth is a prime example of a young widow regardless of the fact that she was childless. However, I’m sure many other widows had children. I can appreciate that during the time you were writing this, you were pregnant and probably nesting, but the reality is that God blesses women who work. I caution you because telling women that, to be a godly wife means staying at home, often creates a unobtainable sense of achieving perfection, which only leads to feelings of failure when perfection is not achieved. Failure to your children, spouse, and God, which can damage one’s spirit. It also creates feelings of failure and insecurity to those who have no choice, but to work. Additionally, God uses women in the work place to be a reflection of Him and draw other to Christ. Without women in the workplace, the body of Christ would be greatly diminished. God can also bless a woman’s education and hardwork to place her in leadership positions where she can be a testimony. God does not want women to be uneducated nor expect them to stay home. God’s will for our lives is unique and to assume His will as a stay at home mom is the same for everyone is unbiblical and naive. To the women reading this, please know that just because you’re not a stay at home wife, does not mean you’re not a homemaker. God cares less about whether the typical roles of who works and who stays at home. He cares whether or not you respect and love each other and if your seeking His will together. We get so bogged down on what we think God expects and the opinions of other, that we fail to realize the purpose of marriage is to be one in Christ.

  24. I just came across this post and was initially excited to read it. However, I became discouraged as I read. I’m all for promoting stay at home moms, I just can’t understand making women feel that if they are not that it makes them immoral. I have a great job, an important job. I’m a Speech Language Pathologist. I diagnosis and treat communication and swallowing disorders. I help other women’s children be able to communicate when they cannot. I work with nontypical individuals that need therapy. I work with Autism, Down Syndrome, Cerebral,Palsy, etc. I would love to be able to stay at home, however, I cannot justify it because of 1) financial reasons. I’m the primary source of income while my husband goes back to school and 2) I truly feel my job is a calling. If all women worked we would have very very very few nurses, teachers, therapist (SLPs, OTs, PTs), etc. There would be so many people going without the needed care that lets face it many people need from a nurturing woman. Also, it’s unrealistic for women to rely solely on their husband. Women need to know how to be independent. What if the husband does it becomes ill? Women need to have job skills that they can use to help care for the family. I can honestly say that both my parents worked and my mom had an additional 2 part time jobs on top of her full job. She’s a nurse and a very very very beloved nurse in our county. She cared for countless patients via home health and worked with many families. She helped so many people and families. She is also a very godly woman. She also openly admitted that she would have gone crazy being a stay at home mom and needed to work to help keep her sane. We never felt like we were neglected or went without. We also knew that there was no way we could all love on our fathers salary. Its just the way it is. We’re not materislistic, just trying to get by. I hope the forsnt come off as being rude, just trying to give insight! Women do play an important role in the working society!

    • So sorry for the disappointed! If you read the post again, I never ever said it was wrong for a woman to work outside the home. I said that a woman should be a worker at home, as that is what Scripture says. But that doesn’t imply that a woman can’t work outside the home. Even if you work full time outside the home, you are still a worker in your home in the evenings and weekends. You still have to cook, clean, and manage your home…even if you are not home full time. It’s a very personal decision within a family and before the Lord whether a woman decides to work outside the home or not. I do not think that it is a sin to do, nor did this post say that. 🙂 I think I need to write a blog post about the subject. Thanks for your thoughts and input!

  25. Dear Jami,
    I am a 53 year old woman whom God blessed with a husband and four wonderful sons(all grown). As a young woman God impressed upon my heart His amazing calling to women to embrace their God given roles to be “Helpers” (Genesis 2:18) and “Home-workers”(Titus 2:3-5). What an amazing journey it has been. I was lead to your sight by a young woman in our church and I just want to say, BRAVO and praise our Lord! You nailed it! Obedience to God’s way produces fruit (as you know). Every day I am tempted to think I know better than God and decide to go “my way”. His way is best. His way leads to an abundant life!!(John 10:10)
    I know you must be exhausted most of the time ( I remember those days), keep your focus on the Giver of Life and continue to speak the truth in love. You have encouraged me so much!!
    “Therefore, my dear brothers, let nothing move you. Always give yourself fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” 1 Cor. 15:58
    God bless you!

    • Hi Steph, thank you so much for the encouragement!! Love to hear your perspective as an older woman!! 🙂 Thank you. And yes, I am exhausted about 98% of the time 😉 But God gives me the strength each day. Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting!

  26. The Excellent Wife is one of the worst and most misleading books about Christian wives that one could ever imagine being written. I led a study with this book with about twenty women. Many of them were older Christian women, married to leaders, who knew an awful lot about marriage. The nicest thing that we could say about this book by the end of the study was that it was drenched in legalism. If you own it, burn it.

    • Thank for your opinion Mindi. I respectfully disagree and highly recommend the book. I appreciate Martha Peace’s honesty in her own marriage struggles and her thoroughly journey through Scripture on what it means to be a Biblical wife.

  27. Hi Jami! I’m really inspired by the faith and courage you have to follow God’s plan in a world that tells women to be career minded. I’m 18 and going in to college and I have decided I want to be a stay at home mom. I’m studying graphic design for 2 years so I can work until I meet the right man and have a freelance part time job if a disaster happens with my future husband. Do you think it’s okay to have this job as a “back up”?

    • As an older true believing Christian woman, Ravyn I believe your decision to get a good education before you marry is very wise. Please also take a spiritual gifts test, and use the Scriptures to help figure out your spiritual gifts. Because this can help guide you in ministry in church. And being educated, then staying home to raise your children follows Scriptural examples. It is the ideal. And certainly can result in godly children. As well as one can work before and after children, PT, if your husband agrees. And he most likely would.

  28. Dear Jami,
    I was glad to find your website. I am an older, true believer in Christ . Being raised by Christian parents was a real blessing. Also, even though money was very tight, my Mom was a housewife. ( Daddy was a medical resident. ). My Mom was there to answer my question about creation. She also WOULD read portions of the KJ to me, explaining the spiritual truths.
    She taught me to pray when I asked her. She taught me to read and write when I was three. Dad and Mom raised me in a Biblical manner. Both teaching and living their true Christian beliefs,
    When I got a little older, I asked to go to church regularly. As before that we only went at times. So, we started attending a Southern Baptist ( Fundamentalist ) church where the KJ was taught properly. After a few months, I got saved! And all of a sudden, I understood the spiritual truths of Scripture.

    Now, my Daddy played a strong role, also. We ate dinner together every night. He also answered my questions about God, the Bible, and being a person of character. He taught me the importance of: honesty; hard work; and standing on Scripture ( living it, ). His saying about that : ” Do the right thing, not the easy thing. “.
    But this is about my Mom and her contribution. At about 12, she taught me about sex ( the proper place for this type information, since it is moral. ). And that one was to remain chaste until the weeding night, per the scriptures.
    Also she took care of both Daddy and I as far as food, clothing, and housework. When I was sick, she took extra care of me.
    Now, my Mom is an educated woman, an R.N. But my parents made the sacrifice to do the right thing, not the easy thing. My folks taught me the value of discipline, responsibility, and hard work. And basic money management. Because of that, I earned enough money for a horse by the time I was nine, ( And I got a horse. ) Dad had promised me if I earned the horse, he would pay for everything from then on.
    My parents also emphasized getting a good education. So, I obtained a PhD. in Counseling, practicing for some years.
    I did : learning disability testing and treatment; Biblical Counseling; Medical Counseling; and support in my Counseling private practice. When I started it, I was asked to give a presentation in daycare ( pros and cons. ). Well, this was strictly from research.
    My presentation showed how abysmal daycare is. How the workers leave very regularly. Since most people reject the Lord, one can count on most of them being lost. Often the children get sick. They are exposed very young to morally depraved ideas. And other bad things can happen which can scar them for life. I explained to these Mothers and Mothers to be that there is no such thing as quality time.
    . One woman asked me ” If you were in married, and wanted children, what would you do? That is if you knew you could not afford to stop working,. ” Well, since my goal would be to be a housewife, and raise a godly child, I would have no children.
    I explained that the young family might have to scrimp for a few years, as we did. However, some things are worth far more than money. As parents teach Biblical values and the Scriptures. Teach a child about God, go to church, and pray for their salvation. It is a home ministry. If I had had a child, his or her eternal salvation would be of infinite value.
    And like my Mom, a woman of good education can always return to work PT, if her husband agrees, once the child is grown. I would certainly not have let any one else raise my child, if I had had one.
    In the NT. , it is clear that married Mothers are to be housewives. There ARE a few married women who work some in Scripture, but NONE of them have children at home. So, it is a significant blessing for a Mother to fulfill that role. And it gives her significant influence with the child. Even though I am long grown, and getting older, I am still close to both my parents. That is because they are good parents.
    Given I counseled children and parents, I saw a very sad situation in some homes. ( These were Christian families. ). Both parents worked, and the children were raised by the following. Mostly lost teachers; coaches; daycare workers; TV; and the Internet, they got involved very early with peers on the wrong path. Bad companions corrupt good character. And I had to fight that corruption, and well as help the families.
    In making married woman the helpmeet, God gave us an important role. As well as being housewives, we take care of the children, and have a big influence over their lives. Certainly our spiritual roles at home, in church, and in the community are important. My Dad, as well as my Mom also taught me to mind my own and others safety. And to be wise.

  29. I only disagree just slightly in the one area, due to my hubby knowing the Greek that the Bible was written in, and that is the “working in the home” translation. The word used there is better translated as “manager of the home”. Very subtle, but big difference. There are many women in both the Old and the New Testament who worked in different ways outside of the home, including the Proverbs 31 woman.

    That is not to, in any way, put a damper on the glorious calling God places on many women’s lives to be Stay-at-Home Moms, and I am one currently so don’t take this as a defensive thing. But there are many many women, both in Scripture and through history, who do work outside the home and that is not new, feminist, or anti-Biblical. They are called to be the managers of their home, and that is easiest as a SAHM (not saying easy, just easiest), but is doable as a working-mom and God does not condemn them. Same with nurturing your kids.

  30. Hi Jami and other women!

    I’ve been lurking on this website for a while, and I really enjoy a lot of the housekeeping tips that you have on here. Really well put together website with lots of awesome advice and encouragement.

    I just wanted to put in a good word for feminists, as I noticed that you mentioned in this article that some of their ideologies can be “dangerous” in the church and in the world. I love the lord and I strive to follow and listen to Jesus’ calling in my life, I want to be a wife and mother someday, and I am also a proud feminist! The term does have some negative connotations, and is widely misunderstood (just as many people who are outsiders to Christianity might view the words “church” or “Christian” with doubt and disdain because of unfamiliarity, or the actions of a few bad people.) At its heart, feminism is simply the idea that women and men are inherently equally valuable, and it strives to affirm and champion ALL women! Some people think that feminism is about rejecting femininity and hating men, but nothing could be further from the truth. Feminism is about affirming and celebrating a woman’s right to choose her own path in life – whether that be as a loving homemaker and wife, or as a single, career-oriented individual furthering the kingdom of God in the workplace! I personally think that feminism’s emphasis on justice for all people (including men!) and desire to celebrate the accomplishments and gifts of women is very compatible with Christ’s message.

    Just a few thoughts… I’d be happy to discuss with anyone (and I know I’m kind of late to the party… oops.)