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My Dream of Becoming a Stay at Home Mom: How We Made it a Reality

on November 30, 2012 by Jami Balmet 33 comments

When Jason and I got married, we did so with a few understandings between us already established.

  1. Jason would be the primary provider for our family

  2. I would stay home full time once we had kids

  3. We would homeschool our kids

We both came into marriage with these three expectations. We both desired these three things and have always worked towards them in our marriage.

Please note: I do not think that every family has to look just like this. I’m not saying I think everyone has to fit this exact mold. Rather, I hope to share our experience and our commitments with you in sharing our decision for me to be a stay at home mom.

Our focus and priorities

In college, our focus for Jason was finding something he was passionate about but that could also become a career. And 3 weeks before he graduated college, he was starting a new promotion into a great  job that has become his career {all the praise goes to God}. I have always worked in our marriage and have worked full time since finishing college.

But we knew that the day we brought our first baby home, I would stay home full time. It was always our goal and always in our planning. We were given the opportunity 8 months ago for me to quit my full time job to stay home as a stay at home wife. We made this decision and a month later found out we were pregnant…with twins

Why I am going to stay home

1) God has convicted both of our hearts that staying home is where I need to be. He has shown us that as the keeper of my home, my place needs to be in the home.

“They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” ~ Titus 2:4-5

2) I am called to be a homemaker and know that I could personally not serve my family the way I need to if I had a full time career outside the home. 

3) I want to be there for all the precious moments of my babies’ lives. I want to see their first step and hear their first word, not hear about these things from the baby sitter. I want my husband and I to be the primary people instructing our children in the Word of God and how to be Godly individuals in day to day life.

4) I want to serve my family the way that God intended and the best way for me to be able to do that is to stay home.

Source

How we are making it work

I know that many people desire to stay home but simply feel that they cannot afford it. My friend Erin from The Humbled Homemaker shares her experience with wanting to stay home when they couldn’t afford it.

One of the biggest things that has allowed for me to stay home is that we planned for it. Like I said, this was always our goal and all our decisions went towards this end. All career and life decisions were made in light of this and it really helped. We always knew what our end goal was.

If you are struggling with this, does your husband even know this is your goal? Have you expressed to him how much you desire to stay home {and why you desire to stay home}? And yes, times are tight sometimes. When we decided 8 months ago that I would quit my job and stay home full time, it was sooner than we expected. I always assumed I would work up until I was 9 months pregnant and popping and then stay home from then on. But God was gracious and that time came sooner than we thought. But with that decision also means we are only living off one income.

We don’t have a lot of extra money to spend and saving can be difficult, but the end, is so worth it. No, we cannot go out to movies or eat out often. I don’t buy new clothes or spend money on cable TV. But none of those things are important in light of what we are getting in exchange: I am home.

I get to greet my hubby when he walks in the door each night. I make him homemade breakfast, lunch, and dinner {most days}. I have time to keep my house clean {When I’m not laying on the couch exhausted with contractions which seems to be happening more frequently these days}. I have time to bargain hunt and save money on groceries.

Source

The benefits of staying home

I can actually be there to bond with my husband at night and focus all of my attention on him instead of running to the grocery store after work, making dinner, cleaning up dinner, trying to throw a load of laundry in, get some writing done, 10 other things and then falling into bed exhausted all to do it again tomorrow. Trust me, my husband LOVES that I stay home. I write all of this to encourage you.

I know that many of you want to stay home and simply don’t know how it could happen. I urge you to pray. Seek the Lord’s will and start working towards your goal! It may take a while but strategically start planning your day to day activities with that goal in mind {i.e. do you REALLY need to make that trip to the mall?}.

At the end of the day, I get so much more enjoyment and fulfillment out of taking care of my family than a career. I know some women are concerned that they will not feel “fulfilled” if they “simply” stay home. But I think God has given us the ultimate mission field. We are caring for our husbands in a way that refreshes them and helps them leave our house each morning to enter their own mission field. We are training up our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord {Ephesians 6:4}.

I couldn’t imagine leaving these tasks to anyone else. Sometimes life as a stay at home wife or mother can seem mundane but at the end of the day I think God has given us one of the most important tasks. He has given us the task to care for our family, the basic unit of society. Who else can do a better job than a mom?

This post is part of my Natural Pregnancy & Beyond Series. Catch up on all the posts in this series:

  1. Introduction
  2. Young, In Love, and Pregnant: Our Journey To Parenthood
  3. Our Maternity Photo Shoot
  4. 7 Reasons We Are Starting a Family Young
  5. My Dream of Becoming a Stay at Home Mom: How We Made it a Reality
  6. Crowning Him in Worship: Reflections on Redeeming Childbirth
  7. 10 Steps Towards a Natural Pregnancy & Birth

Get instant free access to my Finding Joy in Your Home video course.

  • Do you want to discover more joy, peace, & tranquility within your home?
  • Do you feel overwhelmed and like your house is out of control?
  • Join my free course and learn the essential habits for Christian homemakers
  1. the most important thing about being a SAHM is that
    you save a ton of money on daycare by providing
    the time to be with your own children. The passion
    you have to nuture your children 100% is more than
    a nursery will offer. although in our situation we are
    both working and have found a way that one of
    us with our baby. So I consider ourselves Stay
    At Home Parents. It was the way I was brought
    up and I know that it’s not easy and you have to
    sacrifice some things because the economy has
    caused some of the stress financially to allow us
    to enjoy some things (like never taking a honeymoon).
    But being with our daughter out weighs it all.

    The most important thing, and i stress this when I’m
    doing my lectures and presentations you will want to
    find some downtime for yourself. Trust me, that’s
    what husbands are for.

    • SO true about the day care!!! Especially with twins I couldn’t imagine paying for day care. I know my entire pay check would go towards that lol! We have had to make some sacrifices as well to live off one income, but like you said, it’s 100% worth it to be able to stay home with my kids.

      Thanks for the advice 😉

  2. I love this post Jami! It was actually pretty convicting for me as I was reading it. I feel like a lot of times I look down on staying at home and feel like I would be letting myself down if I stopped working and stopped pursuing more education. But as you pointed out, it is all about perspective. If I think that working at home is vital and important for my husband and future children, then it CAN become a fulfilling mission field of its own. Thank you for the reminder to keep pursuing the goal of being able to be at home!

    • Thanks Megan!! 🙂 I have had those moments as well. Especially when it comes to stopping my education. As you know, I still deeply desire a masters degree and hope to one day get it. But that’s not my immediate goal. I am so excited and thankful that I get to stay at home with my babies! I couldn’t imagine working full time still and getting home after 6 to take care of babies, myself, and spend time with my husband!

      And absolutely, it IS a vital mission field…we just have to remember it that way 🙂 I’m sure some days it will take constant reminding 😉 I pray that God leads you towards his path for you!

  3. Such an awesome post! We did the same thing – planned so that I could stay home with our kids and take care of our home, It was something that weighed on both my heart and my husbands heart. It was definitely an adjustment financially but we made it work by the grace of God! I love homeschooling our kids (it was totally new to me but such a fun adventure), and I love being able to set a calm tone for my husband when he comes home from work- something I couldn’t do before because we were both rushing home at the same time to get dinner ready, do chores and get to bed so we were rested for the next day at work! It is such a blessing to be able to be a stay at home mom!

    • Thanks Marlene!! 🙂 It took a financial adjustment for us as well but Praise the Lord that He worked it all out!! We can do with eating out a little less and putting off buying that mini van if it means that I get to stay home and raise our kids!

      I can’t wait to homeschool!! I know I have a few years before I will even be teaching them how to write…but I’m already day dreaming and planning what that will look like! I’m so excited 😀

  4. Our stories are kind of similar! My husband and i knew before we got married that i was going to be a stay at home mom…for all the reasons you have said above. I had a full time job when we got married and i too thought that i would work right up until we had our first child. However, God had different plans! After one year of marriage i was laid off from my job (and i sure wasnt crying!) and 7 months later i got pregnant with Ezra. Then when i was 5 months pregnant, my husband lost his job! At first it was so scary and i didnt know what was going to happen. (And as a side note, we were in the process of buying a house, scheduled to close the next month). So we lost the house, we both had no jobs and i was 5 months pregnant. But God is so faithful! He provided for ALL of our needs. We were able to make due on unemployment until my husband got his new career working for the state. Its a job hes been wanting and hoping for for a long time and God opened the door at just the right time. And its a job with great pay and great benefits which means i will continue to stay home…hopefully forever! And looking back on it all, i see the situation in a new perspective. I dont see it as, my husband lost his job and we lost the house we were trying to buy while surviving on little income. Instead, i see it as God freeing my husband from a job that he strongly disliked, freeing us from a mortgage to a house that wasnt right for us, allowing my husband to be home with me and our new baby (which i LOVED!), giving him his dream job and setting us up in a position to be able to buy a better house in the future that God as picked out just for us. And to top it off, we feel that God is leading us to start trying for baby #2 and we are SO excited!

    Oh and BTW, i cant believe that you are having twins. Your belly doesnt look big enough!! 🙂

    • Hi Jen,

      How wonderful that you already knew before getting married that you wanted to stay home! Some don’t figure that out until later and then their husband isn’t supportive. So Praise the Lord!

      And wow! What a scary time. But the Lord is so good in his timing!! We have learned in our marriage to try and not mistrust his timing….but it can be so hard! How wonderful to be able to look back on those hard times and see God’s hand every step of the way!! 😀

      And thank you!! I’m growing by the day and definitely feel big LOL!!

  5. I echo everything you said! I worked full-time up until I was 16 weeks pregnant, and it has been such a blessing to stay at home! This is where God created me to be, and in doing His will I am most fulfilled. I wouldn’t trade these days with my baby for anything.

    • How wonderful that you got to be home so early in your pregnancy!! Being home for the past few months has been really get for preparing to have the babies 🙂 I agree! This is definitely where God created me to be 🙂

  6. My husband and I have discussed about this and due to our situation, we thought that it is best for him to be the stay at home dad and I will be the working mom when we have kids. It may not be the tradtional route, but so far, it is working for us. We also plan on homeschooling our kids too.

  7. Beautiful post – we have very similar dreams and mindset. We’ve “sacrificed” a lot so I can stay at home with out (so far) two babes… but it turned out everything we were “sacrificing” was really just bad habits that needed to be given up – not things we ended up missing in the end!

    Stay out of debt was by far our biggest advantage in me stay home. We make a modest income. And I contribute here and there. But the fact that we don’t owe ANYTHING (except for our mortgage that we JUST bought) is huge 🙂

    So blessed to have found your blog!

    The Story of a Young Family’s Pursuit to a Life of Simplicity & Contentment
    http://www.ourfrontporchview.com

    • Thank you Beth!! In the end, even the things we feel like we are “sacrificing” end up looking so small in comparison to being home and being able to raise our children!!

      How wonderful to be out of debt except for your home! That really helps 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and for the encouragement 🙂

  8. Your blog is so encouraging! I married young, but didn’t have children for a few years and I wish I had encouragement like this when I was a newly married woman. I am a (thirty something) stay at home mom to children ages 5, 3, and almost 3 months and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s more difficult financially, but God always provides. He provided a way for me to stop working over a year before I actually got pregnant for the first time. We expected to get pregnant right away after I stopped working, but didn’t. God had a lot to teach me about His timing vs. mine! It worked out perfectly though and we just started officially homeschooling this year as our oldest is kindergarten age. I would also encourage women who want to stay at home to stop using credit cards. We had to learn that lesson the hard way, but are now free from that kind of debt. If you are living beyond your means by using credit cards, it will make it so much harder to live on one income.

    • Aw thank you Amanda! I am so glad that you are finding encouragement here 🙂 God does always provide when you are following His will and leading! Oh so much fun! I can’t wait to homeschool.

  9. My husband and I would love to have me stay at home mom. That was our initial goal. Then as life happened, that became “stay at home till they are in school” to “stay at home for the first few years”. Now with our income, we’ll be lucky if I can stay at home for the first 6 months. We have not been blessed with a child yet, so we are working hard to fix the situation.

  10. Love this post! I only wish I knew when we first got married that I would want to stay at home. I had no idea. We bought a house that is affordable on both of our incomes and surprise! Two weeks later I was pregnant with our first. We’re barely scraping by with me working 30-40 hours per week, “part time” in my field. I know this isn’t God’s plan for me. I KNOW I’m supposed to be at home with my son. I’m not fulfilling my responsibilities in any area of my life, least of which my duties as a wife. I find it so terribly depressing. In fact, I’m not sure that staying at home will ever be an option for me. Any advice for those of us who didn’t think to plan?

    • Emily,

      I feel the same way and I am not even a mother yet! Nor expecting. I have been married almost 5 months now and I am already feeling a heavy weight on my heart while working full-time. I want nothing more than to be at home to prepare for a family in the future and be a better wife but since my income is what supports us, I feel stuck working. I am always so depressed feeling and don’t know how to cope with either continuing to work or how to make it with only my husband’s income (about $100/week). I’d love to hear some advice as well!

      • Hi Leah

        I’ve been married for 8 years am 32 and have one child; i would say for now just work hard and save as much as you can and trust the lord he will make a way where there seems to be no way. i worked for the airlines for 11 yrs and i also wanted and still wants to be a stay at home mum and have time for ministry as well, but then i gave it to the lord in prayer and i was offered a 4 hrs a day job for the same salary i was earning…. its not luck but God. Also if you and your husband has any other skills try to invest in it, make things to sell or take up a part time that you can do in your own time… for instance i sell insurance in my free time and i do nail extensions and my husband does computer servicing in small companies other than his job, it has really helped us a lot. Then when your baby comes along you will be able to evaluate and see if your can afford to stay at home or be employed part time. hope this helps a bit…..;)

  11. An excellent article! My husband is pursuing Computer Networking in college so that he can provide a stable situation for our family. We started out wrong…firstly, I thought we BOTH needed to be educated and employed. I am educated (associates degree), and I continue to educate myself daily, but that really disrupted things. We are poor right now, but we’ve come to the exact same conclusions you and your husband came to. I want to stay at home with our children, my husband Cody wants to be the sole provider, and we are homeschooling our children. Currently, we are waiting on my husband to get more opportunities for more financial stability, so we are currently moving out of our expensive rental back in with his family until we get back on our feet. He is in the process of starting up a business with a few partners of his, and if it works out, we will be taken care of. I am uncomfortable with the way schools are today, especially considering that I graduated only 4 years ago from High school. My daughter (and the children that follow) will get more enrichment from being home schooled in my opinion. Thank you so much for this encouraging post. It lets me know we are in the right direction, and it really helps that there are others in the process of doing similar things for the betterment of their families.

  12. Hi Jami,
    I am just now reading this blog that you wrote because I was blessed 4 months ago with my first child- (you can read my story here http://simplygrowin.blogspot.com/2013/11/ihave-been-blessed-with-miracle.html) and praying that God will create a way for me to be able to stay home and raise him. God has placed the desire on my heart to be a Christian wife and mom instead of a career woman climbing the corporate ladder. I am praying that God will soften my husbands heart and help him to see how important it is for me to be home instead of away from our child for 50+ hours a week. I am due to return to work on January 6th and am praying for God’s Will concerning all of this. God has always taken such great care of me in the past especially during those times when all hoped seemed to be lost. My husband and I have been sacrificing for many years remaining debt free–I am hoping that this will allow me to remain home and raise my son the way God intended. I am praying with the mothers who would like to be home, but can’t.
    Thank you for sharing…and may God Bless the mothers!

  13. I was a corporate childcare director for 12 years and about 4 years ago, I became a Sahm. I listened to God’s call for me which I solely thought was just for my family. I quickly found out it was also for my own health. I was diagnosed with cancer and needed treatment immediately. We are a blessed family. I am almost 5 years cancer free, we were blessed with the second child that doctors said could not happen and although our lifestyle adjusted immensely, we have never been happier to be in a place that we can be blessed and be a blessing to others. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for being a SAHM.

  14. I absolutely loved this post. I’ve been wanting to be a stay at home mom for a long time. I finally get to be, after losing my job because I was so sick from my second pregnancy (although I ended up losing the baby) . . . My husband is in school and does not have a career yet. We are praying, praying, praying.
    Wonderful post!

  15. Wow thank you for this. I too feel that it is my calling to be a SAHM. I have much praying to do. I am newly married and pregnant with my first child. I am wanting to talk to my husband about it (again I have much praying to do) but I’m not sure how to bring it up. Thank you for this post. I feel encourage and I know for sure that my family would benefit greatly from my being at home.

  16. Wow! I thank God that I’ve found this site! I am preparing to get married this month to my lovely husband. We have discussed the roles and how he will be the main provider in the home. I am praying that I can adjust to the stay-at-home mom lifestyle. This is my first time marrying and being a new mommy 🙂 This article is timely and very encouraging!!! Thank you posting

  17. I’m 44, so I’m not technically a young wife, but I do have a 10 and 7 year-old . . . I love this article. Love it. Before my husband and I had our first child, we knew being at home with our children was what we wanted. So, we lived on one income and paid off cars and my student loan. Living off one income meant also that we weren’t used to a lavish salary. Sometimes I think about all we could have if I worked, since I had a very successful career, but I know I wouldn’t have it any other way. I want to be home to nurture my kids, and be a helper to my wonderful husband. Proverbs 31 or bust! 🙂

  18. Awww how sweet, my future wife is gonna be a housewife before we have kids. She loves being at home, and she loves being a religious homemaker for her husband (well, future husband, me) and she just loves cooking and cleaning, I feel it is better for the family to have the woman at home, and I am glad my girl wants to do this right out of the gate. God bless all you wonderful housewives and moms.

  19. Not sure if you read comments on old posts anymore, but I felt like I needed to give credit where credit is due. A few years ago I longed to be a stay at home mom, but our finances were a mess and I needed to work. I started searching for people who were doing it, and reading their methods. That’s when I came across your blog for the first time, specifically this post. Something about it stuck with me and every day, my husband and I made a conscious effort to achieve the goal of me staying at home with our (then 2 now 3) children.
    Every time I went to the store, I could visualize the line you wrote: “Do you REALLY need to make that trip to the mall?”
    Now I’m so overjoyed to say, I am staying home with my children and running my household! It can be done!
    I work as a nurse, and I’ve resolved to work the minimum amount of hours I need to stay current on my skills and certifications, but I work as many hours in a month now as I used to in a week.
    Anyways, I know you’re probably busy, but I felt like you should know that something you’ve written has made a huge change for someone else. And I’ve even started my own simple humble blog documenting how we now run our finances in the journey to living debt free.
    Thank you thank you, and another one from our kids who now have their mommy home every day:
    Thank YOU!!

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