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For the days when you feel like a failure…

on April 24, 2014 by Jami Balmet 7 comments

As a woman – a wife – a homemaker – a mother – I’ve often felt like a failure. There are the days that we actually make it to Church on time (disheveled hair and mismatching socks) only to sit behind that adorable young family with the girls in matching dresses and bows and the little boys in cute suits. There are the days when my husband comes home to me – in pajamas still – wrangling toddlers – with dinner burning on the stove and the house is a mess. There are those days when I feel like I just can’t get it all together. Do you ever have those days?

For those days when you feel like a failure

In our perfect world of photoshopped Facebook photos, perfect meals and houses on Pinterest, and the adorable families all over Instagram – it’s easy to feel like what we do isn’t enough. It’s easy to feel like we just aren’t doing enough to have the perfect kids, house, clothes ect. It’s so easy to feel like a failure in our homemaking. 

I posted this picture on Instagram & Facebook a few days ago and within minutes I had 141 likes and a lot of comments in the vain of “Oh, I’m so glad I’m not alone”!

Facebook Photo

Why did this picture of my messy kitchen evoke such an immediate response? Because as women, this is something we struggle with. Daily. And no, you are NOT alone!

Encouragement for Those Days

On these days when I feel like a failure, I’ve come to learn that there are a few things going on. My mind is a whirl wind of pride, sin, chaos, and the fact that I’m a woman.

Motivated by pride.

In the midst of these days where I feel like a failure – when I can’t seem to do anything right – deep within my heart, I’m motivated by pride. I have this idea within my mind of the “perfect” homemaker.

I have this idealistic picture that I am always going to be on top of everything. I will always look perfect (complete with cute outfit and curled hair), my kids will be clean and tidy, my house will look perfect, and guests to my house will ooh and aaw at my excellent cooking. Usually this isn’t motivated from a deep desire to set the atmosphere in my home to Glorify God but rather to glorify myself. It’s all rooted in pride at how I appear before others. 

“Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” ~ 1 Timothy 2:9-10

Spurred on by sin.

This pride that is buried deep within then, is spurred on by my sin. I see other women who have a bigger house, a nanny twice a week so they can grocery shop alone, more money to buy fancy clothes for their kids, ect. and my jealousy rages. I feel like I can’t be/do as good as them…and I sink further into my pit of failure.

Taming the chaos.

Along with pride and sin that lies deep within my heart, there is also chaos reigning. As a young mom with toddlers, I daily live in chaos. Nap schedules that seem to change weekly, teething twins, meal plans, grocery shopping, and the list goes on. If I’m not careful, chaos reigns in my home. This chaos leads to feelings of failure because it’s really hard to things done amidst chaos. 

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Embracing who I am.

I am a woman. I can be emotional, sensitive, take on too many projects, and be creatively whimsical. While these things can sometimes bury me (when I take on more than I can chew or let my own emotional jealousy make me feel like a failure), it can also be my greatest asset.

It’s all about learning who I am. It’s about learning my own strengths, weaknesses, and personality to better know how to tame the chaos in my life and repent of my sin.

How to Start Digging Out of This Pit of Failure

I’ve had so many conversations with women who feel buried by their failures. As women we compare ourselves to each other. We see the good that our friends do, and feel like failures when we don’t match up. We let these expectations, sin, and the chaos in our lives shove us into a pit of failure that we feel like we just can’t climb out of. 

I want to give you a little encouragement and some tools that you can start using today to change your perspective and to go from feeling like a failure to a homemaker who Glorify’s God.

1) Focus on your relationship with God

In order to manage a home without feeling like a failure, you must first focus on your relationship with the Lord. When you have those days where you are buried in dirty diapers and you just can’t seem to keep up with the house…remember what this is all about. We are to focus on Christ and when our relationship is right before the Lord, we can start to see other things in our life with clearer perspective.

a-heart-prepared-200x300My newest eBook, A Heart Prepared: A Simple & Effective Scripture Memory System – can help you get on track when it comes to storing God’s Word in your heart and learning to live by HIS truth!

how-to-manage-your-mouth-200x300How To Manage Your Mouth is a 30 day challenge to tame your tongue master wholesome talk. It’s a journey through Scripture that will help you reign in what you say. Every mom needs to read this!

set-apart-200x300Learning how to be a Biblical woman in this modern age can be really hard! Travel back and learn lessons from the Proverbs 31 woman with Set Apart: Becoming a Woman of Virtue in a Modern World.

 

2) Focus on what God teaches about the home

Once you begin working on your relationship with the Lord, it’s good to get a firm understanding of what God teaches about the home. How can we bring glory to God in our lives as homemakers? Does what we do each day, really matter? I encourage you to dive into these excellent resources to start learning the answers to those questions!

how-to-build-a-strong-christian-home-200x300How to Build a Strong Christian Home gives you the tools you need to recognize that our families are a blessing and worth the patience, love, and time to invest in building a strong Christian home for God’s glory and we can do this one step at a time.

hospitality-200x300Hospitality: The Duty of the Christian Home shows how we, as homemakers, can use our home’s for God’s Glory. We have a mission field, right here in our kitchens. This book helps you to realize that and use the things God has given you to spread His Kingdom.

the-cherished-home-200x300The Cherished Home: Protecting What’s Important will help you make the most of your days. As life seems to get busier, we have to make plans to keep our lives simple and make the most of everyday. Our family is our precious treasure and such a gift.

3) Learn to take care of yourself!

For some reason, this one can be really hard for women – especially mothers! I’m so busy taming the chaos in my life and wrangling little boys all day long – I forget that I need to take care of myself so that I can take care of my family! I’m intentionally spending some time this month on intentionally taking care of myself so that I can better care for my family and all that God has entrusted me with.

21-days-to-a-more-disciplined-life-200x30021 Days to a More Disciplined Life is a phenomenal book by a woman who has really struggled with creating discipline and margin in her life. If you need more discipline in your life – then you need to read this book!

equipped-200x300Equipped: Because You’ve Been Made to Live On Purpose is a step-by-step workbook created to help you embrace your God-given purposes, priorities, and potential. It is steeped in life coaching principles and relevant Biblical truth so that you can discover how God has equipped you with all you need for doing his will (Hebrews 13:20-21 NLT).

live-for-him-200x300Too many people are in a season of being so overwhelmed they have no idea how to dig their way out. The good news is it doesn’t have to be this way! Live for Him: A Grace-Filled Look at Planning has everything you need to create a plan to get your life on track and living for Him.

 

 

 

4) Work on your home management skills

Apart from sin and pride, I think a very large reason why so many women today feel like failures in their home – is the direct result of a lack of training as homemakers. When we get married, many of us don’t know even the most basic elements of managing a home let alone how to make our home a haven. If you struggle with chaos consuming your household, then I highly encourage you to check out these books. Pick one and start taming one area of chaos at a time!

the-homemakers-guide-to-creating-the-perfect-schedule-200x300The Homemaker’s Guide to Creating the Perfect Schedule offers you step-by-step instruction and encouragement to help you build a schedule you can stick with! Learn how to work with the natural rhythm of your day to create the perfect homemaking and homeschooling schedule.

taming-the-laundry-monster-200x300If you are regularly overwhelmed and frustrated with laundry, then Taming the Laundry Monster is for you! Whatever the reason for your frustration, this book will help you think through your schedule and systems and develop a plan that is unique for your unique family.

diy-nautral-household-cleaners-200x300Make all your own homemade cleaning products using simple, natural ingredients with DIY Natural Household Cleaners: How To Make Your Own Cleaners…Naturally. This awesome resource contains 60+ natural cleaning recipes for every room in your home.

Resources for when you feel like a failure as a homemaker

Get instant free access to my Finding Joy in Your Home video course.

  • Do you want to discover more joy, peace, & tranquility within your home?
  • Do you feel overwhelmed and like your house is out of control?
  • Join my free course and learn the essential habits for Christian homemakers
  1. After reading your post I agree with most of it. However I do believe that people are ready for marriage at different ages. A lot of being ready for anything even marriage has a lot to do with a person’s attitude, their life experiences and their relationship with the Lord if any.
    In my case I was 18yrs, not a Christian yet, and my husband was in the military in a foreign country half of our first 5 yrs. I delivered our first child alone.

    God had mercy and linked me with Christian women who befriended and shared about Christ and how a married woman was to behave. Seeing their godly lives and the relationship they had with others drew me to Christ. It wasn’t long before I asked Christ to be my Savior and Lord.
    There is much good to be said of older women who mentor and include younger women in the ways of Christ.

    I’m thankful to say that my husband and I just celebrated our 45th wedding anniversary. We have happy children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. If we had waited until we were older we wouldn’t be around to have relationship with the generations we now have and love. Some of whom have even given their hearts and lives to Christ.
    Now it is my turn to pay it forward to younger women.

    Thank you Jami for sharing your life, experiences and thoughts with us. Your blog is one I share a lot with younger women.
    Not having a blog myself I hope I’m following your instructions on posting a comment. I’m not very computer savvy.
    Janet Westrup.

    youngwifesguide.com

    • Thank you Janet! And I 100% agree with you! I think that God has a different path for each of us to walk. For some, it’s getting married at 19 and for others, it’s 39! I just want to provide encouragement to those who God does call into marriage earlier! The “world” can have some pretty nasty reactions to young marriage and so I want to be a source of encouragement! But I totally don’t think that young marriage is for everyone 🙂

      And thank you – your words give me so much encouragement!! 😀

  2. I came across your article through pinterest, and while marginally motivating, the basis and purpose of this entire entry is for you to sell things. NOT to make mothers feel better about themselves. How disheartening! I thought I had stumbled across somebody who – with the help of God- has found a way to feel better on the hardest days as a mom and wanted to share that with those of us seeking inspiration. Instead, I found a deceptive article full of greedy plugs for a mountain of books that I- as a busy mom- would never have the time to read. I cannot stand when people use the Lord as a a cover and way to make money.

    • Hi Angela,

      I’m really sorry you feel that way! Yes, I did post a link to a bundle of eBooks that were on sale for a few days (but it’s over now so I should remove those links). But my heart is truly in encouraging mothers and young wives. Yes – I made a percentage of the books if someone purchased through that link. But why did I do it? Was it because I get super rich off this blog? Nope – I barely come out even from writing this blog. It takes a lot to run a big blog like this – hosting fees, design, dozens of hours a week, and a hundred other little costs that add up quickly. I do it as a ministry so that I can reach other women. But I also have to be able to cover these costs, otherwise, as a stay at home mom I would never afford to run this blog!

      The books I’ve linked to in this blog are all written by amazing Christian women. Bloggers who have written some really encouraging things for mom’s who feel overwhelmed, burdened, buried, and exhausted. I think a great way to start to dig out of that is to be in relationship with and read stories from other women. My motivation in pointing you to those resources is so that you can read the words of those amazing women yourself! There’s books on how to create a homemaking schedule, how to figure out laundry, how to develop a Christian home and more! I think I did add value in the beginning of this article and then I wanted you to point you to other resources that you could dig further into (as this post was already really long at almost 1800 words!!) 🙂

      And just so you know – ALL of those links to individual books are NOT affiliate links. Which means I don’t make any money when you click over and purchase those books from other bloggers…I just really think those are some awesome books! And my book that is featured in this article is actually free right now 🙂 I want to encourage as many women as I can with memorizing Scripture.

      Thanks for taking the time to stop by and comment and I hope you find the encouragement you are seeking 🙂

      In Christ,
      Jami

      P.s. Oh and I guess I should mention that the reason I was sharing about the “mountain of books” was because it was a really amazing deal!! You could get dozens of really rock solid Christian books for a rock bottom price. I bought a bundle of the books myself and wanted to share it because I thought it really could help other women. And I know many women have been helped and blessed by those books!

  3. Cannot thank you enough for this post! God has truly used you to reveal many things I’ve been denying lately; I can attest to so much of this, and am so grounded after reading this. I am so grateful I have come across not only this post , but your blog as well!! A million thanks! 🙂

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