As a woman – a wife – a homemaker – a mother – I’ve often felt like a failure. There are the days that we actually make it to Church on time (disheveled hair and mismatching socks) only to sit behind that adorable young family with the girls in matching dresses and bows and the little boys in cute suits. There are the days when my husband comes home to me – in pajamas still – wrangling toddlers – with dinner burning on the stove and the house is a mess. There are those days when I feel like I just can’t get it all together. Do you ever have those days?
In our perfect world of photoshopped Facebook photos, perfect meals and houses on Pinterest, and the adorable families all over Instagram – it’s easy to feel like what we do isn’t enough. It’s easy to feel like we just aren’t doing enough to have the perfect kids, house, clothes ect. It’s so easy to feel like a failure in our homemaking.
Why did this picture of my messy kitchen evoke such an immediate response? Because as women, this is something we struggle with. Daily. And no, you are NOT alone!
Encouragement for Those Days
On these days when I feel like a failure, I’ve come to learn that there are a few things going on. My mind is a whirl wind of pride, sin, chaos, and the fact that I’m a woman.
Motivated by pride.
In the midst of these days where I feel like a failure – when I can’t seem to do anything right – deep within my heart, I’m motivated by pride. I have this idea within my mind of the “perfect” homemaker.
I have this idealistic picture that I am always going to be on top of everything. I will always look perfect (complete with cute outfit and curled hair), my kids will be clean and tidy, my house will look perfect, and guests to my house will ooh and aaw at my excellent cooking. Usually this isn’t motivated from a deep desire to set the atmosphere in my home to Glorify God but rather to glorify myself. It’s all rooted in pride at how I appear before others.
“Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” ~ 1 Timothy 2:9-10
Spurred on by sin.
This pride that is buried deep within then, is spurred on by my sin. I see other women who have a bigger house, a nanny twice a week so they can grocery shop alone, more money to buy fancy clothes for their kids, ect. and my jealousy rages. I feel like I can’t be/do as good as them…and I sink further into my pit of failure.
Taming the chaos.
Along with pride and sin that lies deep within my heart, there is also chaos reigning. As a young mom with toddlers, I daily live in chaos. Nap schedules that seem to change weekly, teething twins, meal plans, grocery shopping, and the list goes on. If I’m not careful, chaos reigns in my home. This chaos leads to feelings of failure because it’s really hard to things done amidst chaos.
Embracing who I am.
I am a woman. I can be emotional, sensitive, take on too many projects, and be creatively whimsical. While these things can sometimes bury me (when I take on more than I can chew or let my own emotional jealousy make me feel like a failure), it can also be my greatest asset.
It’s all about learning who I am. It’s about learning my own strengths, weaknesses, and personality to better know how to tame the chaos in my life and repent of my sin.
How to Start Digging Out of This Pit of Failure
I’ve had so many conversations with women who feel buried by their failures. As women we compare ourselves to each other. We see the good that our friends do, and feel like failures when we don’t match up. We let these expectations, sin, and the chaos in our lives shove us into a pit of failure that we feel like we just can’t climb out of.
I want to give you a little encouragement and some tools that you can start using today to change your perspective and to go from feeling like a failure to a homemaker who Glorify’s God.
1) Focus on your relationship with God
In order to manage a home without feeling like a failure, you must first focus on your relationship with the Lord. When you have those days where you are buried in dirty diapers and you just can’t seem to keep up with the house…remember what this is all about. We are to focus on Christ and when our relationship is right before the Lord, we can start to see other things in our life with clearer perspective.
My newest eBook, A Heart Prepared: A Simple & Effective Scripture Memory System – can help you get on track when it comes to storing God’s Word in your heart and learning to live by HIS truth!
How To Manage Your Mouth is a 30 day challenge to tame your tongue master wholesome talk. It’s a journey through Scripture that will help you reign in what you say. Every mom needs to read this!
Learning how to be a Biblical woman in this modern age can be really hard! Travel back and learn lessons from the Proverbs 31 woman with Set Apart: Becoming a Woman of Virtue in a Modern World.
2) Focus on what God teaches about the home
Once you begin working on your relationship with the Lord, it’s good to get a firm understanding of what God teaches about the home. How can we bring glory to God in our lives as homemakers? Does what we do each day, really matter? I encourage you to dive into these excellent resources to start learning the answers to those questions!
How to Build a Strong Christian Home gives you the tools you need to recognize that our families are a blessing and worth the patience, love, and time to invest in building a strong Christian home for God’s glory and we can do this one step at a time.
Hospitality: The Duty of the Christian Home shows how we, as homemakers, can use our home’s for God’s Glory. We have a mission field, right here in our kitchens. This book helps you to realize that and use the things God has given you to spread His Kingdom.
The Cherished Home: Protecting What’s Important will help you make the most of your days. As life seems to get busier, we have to make plans to keep our lives simple and make the most of everyday. Our family is our precious treasure and such a gift.
3) Learn to take care of yourself!
For some reason, this one can be really hard for women – especially mothers! I’m so busy taming the chaos in my life and wrangling little boys all day long – I forget that I need to take care of myself so that I can take care of my family! I’m intentionally spending some time this month on intentionally taking care of myself so that I can better care for my family and all that God has entrusted me with.
21 Days to a More Disciplined Life is a phenomenal book by a woman who has really struggled with creating discipline and margin in her life. If you need more discipline in your life – then you need to read this book!
Equipped: Because You’ve Been Made to Live On Purpose is a step-by-step workbook created to help you embrace your God-given purposes, priorities, and potential. It is steeped in life coaching principles and relevant Biblical truth so that you can discover how God has equipped you with all you need for doing his will (Hebrews 13:20-21 NLT).
Too many people are in a season of being so overwhelmed they have no idea how to dig their way out. The good news is it doesn’t have to be this way! Live for Him: A Grace-Filled Look at Planning has everything you need to create a plan to get your life on track and living for Him.
4) Work on your home management skills
Apart from sin and pride, I think a very large reason why so many women today feel like failures in their home – is the direct result of a lack of training as homemakers. When we get married, many of us don’t know even the most basic elements of managing a home let alone how to make our home a haven. If you struggle with chaos consuming your household, then I highly encourage you to check out these books. Pick one and start taming one area of chaos at a time!
The Homemaker’s Guide to Creating the Perfect Schedule offers you step-by-step instruction and encouragement to help you build a schedule you can stick with! Learn how to work with the natural rhythm of your day to create the perfect homemaking and homeschooling schedule.
If you are regularly overwhelmed and frustrated with laundry, then Taming the Laundry Monster is for you! Whatever the reason for your frustration, this book will help you think through your schedule and systems and develop a plan that is unique for your unique family.
Make all your own homemade cleaning products using simple, natural ingredients with DIY Natural Household Cleaners: How To Make Your Own Cleaners…Naturally. This awesome resource contains 60+ natural cleaning recipes for every room in your home.