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7 Reasons We Are Starting a Family Young

on November 29, 2012 by Jami Balmet 89 comments

So many people ask us why. Why would we get married so young. And why would we choose to start a family so young.

Simply put: Children are a blessing from the Lord. But of course there is more to it than that. Update: Our Twin boys were born on December 26, 2012. Say hello to our little guys HERE.

Simply put: Children are a blessing from the Lord. But wait, there's more!

Please note: This post is written because so many people are so negative about young couples starting families. It has become common for many couples to put off having babies until well into their 30’s for various reasons and now many look down on the couple who gets married young and start a young family. My goal in this post is to give hope to the other young couples that you are not alone and that God has it planned that some will start families when they are young. Of course, God also has plans for others to start families later and I celebrate God’s time in each individuals life. I simply want to make a case that young families can be good and well within God’s perfect timing. Moving on…

Why we are choosing to start a family at 22 and 24

In so much as it is within our power to plan and dream, we decided to start our family young. We prayed about this and decided there was no reason to put it off and God has been so gracious to bless us with a double blessing! Here is why we arrived at that decision (still knowing that our plans and our future is totally in God’s perfect hands):

1) We will have the energy

As we prepare our home for our twin baby boys, I am already trying to mentally prepare for the long sleepless nights of feeding, burping, and changing. Then I think of them as 2-year-olds and I imagine having to run down two rambunctious toddlers who tear off running in two different directions while we are at the store. Then add in the fact that we want more children in the future and I start getting tired just thinking about it.

Children can be exhausting (a blessing but a tiring blessing all the same). And yet, I will have much more energy in my 20’s to chase down toddlers than I will in my 40’s. I know parents who have had toddlers in their 20’s and also their 40’s and they can’t believe the difference in their energy levels. They remember have the energy to keep up with junior tearing around the living room. But as time progresses, your energy fades and it becomes harder to keep up.

2) God designed us to have babies in our 20’s

You reach your peak baby-making years in your 20’s. Not only do your energy levels hold up much better as a 20 something to little kids, your body does better as well. Optimum fertility is reached in your 20’s and starts to decline as you reach 30 and beyond.

But now thankfully with modern medicine, we have more options than ever. It used to be that it was very dangerous for a 40 something to have babies but thankfully now it is much safer with our modern medicine. Praise the Lord for that but it still remains that our 20’s will always be the peak time for energy, fertility, and your bodies ability to conceive and carry a child.

One-year-old-twins

3) We will be young grandparents

Lord willing, we will be young grandparents. We will be young when our children graduate high school, go to college, and start getting married and having kids. We will have time together to enjoy retirement while we enjoy the blessings of our family. We will get to enjoy that wonderful phase of being young grandparents and getting to spoil our young grand kids.

4) Money isn’t everything

Sure, if we waited until we were 35 to have kids we might be better off financially  We might have that minivan I have been drooling over. Or that huge house with the white picket fence. But you know what? We don’t need a huge house, fancy cars, or lots and lots of toys. We are content with what the Lord has given us now and we don’t need to raise our kids to be spoiled. The Lord provides for our needs. We have a roof over our head, a 2 bedroom apartment, 2 adorable kittens, and food to fill our fridge with. We are so blessed and we don’t need anything else to raise our children up in the Lord.

5) My career is at home

I’m not spending years building up a career outside the home and thus have to put off having kids. My focus, attention, and heart is in my home and that won’t change a year, 10 years, or 20 years from now. Most of the world cannot imagine having kids at 22 because that would destroy their plans for their career. They are busy working many long and hard hours climbing the corporate ladder and can’t simply think about children for at least another 10 years.

This has never been my focus. Yes, I went to college and got my bachelor’s degree. I am a total bookworm geek and loved every minute of it. I am thankful to the Lord and to my husband that I was able to do that but my focus from day 1 of our marriage is that I would stay home with our kids. I always knew this was our plan. My heart and our plans always revolved around that outcome and thank the Lord that he provides.

My sweet twin boys! 14 Months

6) We are excited!

A huge part of wanting to have kids now rather than putting it off another 10 years is that we are excited!! We can’t wait to take our kids to the park, throw the Frisbee around and ride bikes. We are delighted thinking about teaching them about the Lord and taking them to Awana each week. We are dreaming of our first vacation with our kids to Disneyland and seeing their excitement. We want a large family and are so excited to be able to invest these early years in our kids!

We can’t wait to watch our children grow in the Lord and can’t wait to walk that journey alongside them. Children are such a blessing and a joy to their parents hearts and we can’t wait to experience that. Yes, parenthood has it’s really tough moments and not all trips to the park end happy but ultimately the Lord promises that children are a blessing from Him and we know that to be true.

7) And last of course, is that children are a blessing from the Lord

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.” ~Psalm 127:3 {ESV}

Many today act like children are a drudgery. Children are pure work and you must wait until your mid thirties and only have 1 or 2 children. Then maybe you won’t go crazy. Children scream. And disobey. And sin. And make your life miserable sometimes. Some of that is true of course but God promises that children are a blessing from Him. So if you are diligent to raise them according to God’s word and standards then you will be blessed by them.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” ~ Ephesians 6:4

We can eagerly look forward to parenthood (knowing that certain parts will be very tough), because God has shown us that it is a reward. A blessing that we eagerly embrace, look forward too, and by the grace of God we will experience at a young age.

7 Reasons we are starting a family young

I would love to hear from you who had kids young and your kids are older now. What blessings did you experience by having them young? And if you are currently young and starting a family, let me know! I love meeting other young marrieds and families!!

This post is part of my Natural Pregnancy & Beyond Series. Catch up on all the posts in this series:

  1. Introduction
  2. Young, In Love, and Pregnant: Our Journey To Parenthood
  3. Our Maternity Photo Shoot
  4. 7 Reasons We Are Starting a Family Young
  5. My Dream of Becoming a Stay at Home Mom: How We Made it a Reality
  6. Crowning Him in Worship: Reflections on Redeeming Childbirth
  7. 10 Steps Towards a Natural Pregnancy & Birth

Get instant free access to my Finding Joy in Your Home video course.

  • Do you want to discover more joy, peace, & tranquility within your home?
  • Do you feel overwhelmed and like your house is out of control?
  • Join my free course and learn the essential habits for Christian homemakers
  1. I was 20 years old and my husband was 25, when we had our first child, who just turned 9!! We now have 4 handsome boys, age 3, 5, 7 and 9 years old. It is a huge blessing having had them young. They are BOYS, they are incredibly active, and I can’t imagine having them in my 40’s. We are always playing baseball and football and going for bike rides and hiking through the woods. I really feel so blessed that we were able to have them when we did. NO, we do not have a lot. God has blessed us with a home big enough for them, and clothes to wear and food to eat, but isn’t that really all we need? There are things that sometimes we wish we could do for the boys but can’t because we just are not able financially, but you know what, we are content with what we have. We make sacrifices where we need to for me to be able to be home with them and homeschool them as well. I pray that you have many more children and bring them up in a Godly home. I love your blog and love seeing someone at your age so strong in the Lord! God Bless you and your growing family!!
    Eph 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

    • How wonderful, it sounds like you have a wonderful family 🙂 Haha yes I’m gearing up for a busy life with twin boys!! Amen, that is all you need! We plan to homeschool as well and I eagerly look forward to that!

  2. We had our first born when we were 20 and 22, just 11 months after we got married. It was not “our plan” but I’m so glad that God knew better than us. We had 4 kids in 5 1/2 years and I’m so thankful now that we had them young and close. It has never been easy (parenting isn’t) but it is worth it. My kids are now 7,8,10, and 12 and they love God, love us and love each other.

    Not sure if you are counter cultural in your circle of friends but I know we have always been the young couple with old kids. All of our kids’ friends’ parents are significantly older than us and most people our age have had children much younger than ours or no children. That used to bother me but I sure appreciate the extra energy I’ve raising these kids at a young age and I’m looking forward to being young grandparents!

    May God continue to bless you as you welcome your twins soon!

    • God’s plan is always best isn’t it?? Even when we don’t realize it at first!! 🙂 Whew, you have your hands full! What a blessing!! Haha yes, we are definitely the young ones in our group of friends! All of our friends who are in the same stage of life as us (young families) are always much older than us!

      Thank you for stopping by and for the encouragement!! 🙂

  3. I totally agree with you Jami. I married at 18 and had our only child at 19. I will be 36 in less than 2 weeks; I can not imagine having a newborn or toddler at this stage of life. Like you I am looking forward to being a young grandparent. My parents and grandparents were young when they had children. It has been such a blessing to have a close relationship with my grandparents as an adult and as a young wife and mother.

  4. How about this? You’re clearly interested in doing things God’s way and there’s not one example in the Bible of anyone intentionally waiting to have children. Getting married young (Mary was a teen) and starting to have children right away is so intrinsic to God’s plan for us (except those who have the gift of singleness) that Rachel begged Jacob to giver her children or she would die. (Genesis 30:1) The only examples of married couples not having children are due to barrenness, i.e., Abraham and Sarah (Genesis 16:1), Elkanah and Hannah (1 Samuel 1:6), Zechariah and Elizabeth (Luke 1:7). Finally, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” Psalm 127:3-5 I’d say the compelling argument is to NOT wait. God bless your quiver!

      • No, you don’t hear that said that children are a “reward”. That makes me so sad that many people think of them as a burden. They are such a blessing!

        • When people think children are a burden, it also breaks my heart…I look at my daughter everyday and see how precious she is and get so upset when people think those things. I call that selfish and lazy, and you brushing it off as a burden to make others feel guilty for having that responsibility…it makes them look bad.

    • That scripture really blesses me! Thanks for posting Psamls 127 3-5, Who would of thought that if you find the person God ordained for you at an early age that it was his WILL for you not to wait. “Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.” Amen!

  5. Thank you so much for this post! My husband and I got married about a year ago at 20 and 20 and now we are expecting our first child the first of January. It is hard sometimes to not get down when people say things about your choices, but you are so right in all you said! Children are a blessing!
    Samantha

  6. I am almost 25 and have a 3 year old & 16 month old. Boys!! They have lots of energy and almost daily I am so thankful I am having kids young because I cannot imagine having the energy to keep up with them if I had them when I was older! Children are such a blessing! I highly recommend the book Beyond Bath Time by Erin Davis. I love it! Its always good to re read it & remember why being a mom is sooo important and how its sacred! Its a small book so easy to read but packed with good stuff. 🙂 God bless you Jami.

    • You have your hands full Carissa!! Yeah, I’m also excited to be able to have them young when I have lots of energy! Thanks for the recommendation. I will check it out 🙂

  7. My husband and I have been together since we were 16yrs old, and married at 19, and now at the young age of 22 we are expecting our first baby! We are only in the first trimester, but we are so excited; sometimes it’s unbearable to wait the remaining months that lay ahead! We were always told children were out of the question for us scientifically, but God had other plans, and we feel so blessed beyond words. Now my stay at home role of being a wife will feel complete when I become the stay at home wife/mom!

    • Jessica our story is so similar! I was 16 when we met, married at 19, and now at 22 I am expecting our first babies!! 🙂 Congrats on your baby!! I remember thinking earlier this year in my first trimester that December would take FOREVER to get here…and now I am waiting the arrival of our babies in just a couple short weeks. The time will fly this year 😉 Praise the Lord that he had other plans for you than science thought!! I am so excited for you, it sounds like our journey’s have been very similar. I am also a stay at home wife…and soon to be stay at home mom!! Yikes! I’m so excited 😀

  8. Loved reading your blog! My husband and I just celebrated our 3rd anniversary in September. I was 22 and he was 25. We now have a baby boy (Ezra) who will turn 1 on January 4th! I as well always knew i wanted to get married and have kids at a young age and i am so grateful that God has blessed me with the desires of my heart. Im excited to Lord willing, have a houseful of little ones and raise them up to really know and love God. Im so happy for you and your husband! Theres nothing like being a parent. Its the best job in the world! Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well!

    • Aaaw such a cute name! I LOVE Biblical names (hence my boys will be Malachi and Micah). I am also so thankful that the Lord gave me that desire early on as well. We can’t wait to meet our baby boys!! Thank you 🙂

      • I also love Biblical names- we have Rebekah Naomi (11), Ruth Elizabeth (8) and Ray Michael (4.5) (the Ray is a family name and we figure the word is in the Bible even if the person isn’t) 🙂
        We were 23 & 25 when we got married and 25 & 27 when Bekah was born, we had 1 previous miscarriage. I am glad we had her early especially since God’s timing was for spread apart kiddos (it has been a good thing) and chasing just my 4 yr old keeps me busy. 🙂 So thankful for each of them and would be open to more!
        Chara

        • Oh what special and meaningful names!! The Hebrews always took a lot of time and thought into naming their children and names ALWAYS had meanings. I love to be able to carry on that tradition to our children and give them strong and meaningful family and scriptural names 🙂

          And Praise the Lord for his timing!! 🙂

  9. I am 25 and have been married for only two months. However I’ve known God has called me to be a mother. I feel like I’m already behind if that makes sense. My husband want to wait a few years to get out of debt more before we have kids. I see the logic in that and wanting to be able to provide more for our kids but the desire to be a mother is so overwhelming now that I’ve found the man God had planned for me. I want to get to know my love better just between us but yeah. Any advice ladies?

    • Hi Meran,

      I went thru a similar experience with my husband. I was ready for kids right away but my husband wasn’t. I ended up nagging him and though he handled it well…my nagging didn’t convince him at all. After almost 2 years of this desire, God reminded me to get on my knees and to surrender my ways wholly. I stopped trying to convince my hubby and within 2 months he got the “baby bug.” 🙂

      We now have 2 precious boys and baby #3 on the way and have been married almost 6 years. Best advice I can give is to respect your husbands wishes, but to pray to God about your desire and that he will work on your husbands heart when the timing is right. Leave it all in God’s hands/prayer and it will work out beautifully. 🙂

      In Christ,
      Kimber

      • Thanks for your input Kimber!! And what a beautiful reminder, God is on control and HIS timing is ultimately what matters!! I was also ready before my husband and prayed and prayed that God would give my husband the same desire at the right time. And of course, He did!

    • Congrats on your new marriage! Marriage is a wonderful journey 🙂 one encouragement I can say, is that a few years of just you and him will be wonderful. Yes, I was impatient to have kids too (I got bit my the baby bug really early on as well) but our 3 1/2 years together before our babies arrive was really wonderful. It was a time for us really connect. But we were so young that we felt we could wait a few years. If I had been 25 when we got married I would have pushed for babies much earlier as well! I feel your pain!

      I think Kimber offered some excellent advice! We are called to follow our husbands leadership. So I think the best thing you can do right now is pray for your husband. Pray that God tells HIM when the right time to start a family is. I know I prayed for this for a long time and it was great! Instead of worrying over when the right time was…I knew that when my hubby felt “ready” was the right time. I prayed that God would give him wisdom and insight and when my husband finally felt “ready” and we conceived our twin boys, it was the best possible timing we could have ever imagined! God really does know the best plan and timing…it’s just difficult sometimes to wait on that! It may seem now that your hubby wants to wait years to have kids…but keep praying and God could change his heart at any time!

    • I agree as well with these ladies. First off, the time before you have kids really is special and important for you and your husband. Before my husband and I even got married we knew we wanted to wait a little while before having kids. Even though we both couldnt wait to start a family, we knew we wanted (and needed) time to adjust to being married, build our relationship and really just enjoy being a couple and being able to go and do whatever and where ever we wanted. It really is a precious time and you wont regret it! And i would suggest too to just keep praying about it and for your husband that when the time is right you will both know it and will be on the same page about it. It will happen in God’s time!

  10. I’m 27 and have an almost 2 year old. Mr. A and I were 25 and 22 respectively when we were married. We’re aren’t super young Mr. A actually just turned 30, and I am 27. I was 25 when our daughter was born. We love being parents and are excited to be in this phase of our life now while we are young enough to enjoy our daughter and any siblings she may get.

  11. We were married when I had just turned 20. We conceived our first child when I was 20, and we lost that baby early on. 2 weeks later we accidentally conceived our son. I gave birth when I was 21. I had a hard time getting adjusted to motherhood, even though I was more than prepared. But our son has been such a huge blessing. It is amazing how children change you. God bless you and best wishes!

  12. I really enjoyed this article, Jami! At just barely 23 I am pregnant with baby #3. So, I think we count as starting a family young.

    Here are a few thing I have discovered in addition to those you list above:

    Learning who I am- I have heard the concept of needing to figure out who you were BEFORE you got married. At 19 I thought that made no sense whatsoever, but a few years later as I began trying to learn how to serve my family AS ME, it made a little more sense. But, I do not want to grow in who I am personally and in the Lord and then feel it disappears when I begin serving a family. I love that I have the privilege of learning who God created me to be in the context of being a wife and mom. Because I will be one for the rest of my life.

    Learning stage- I do not think ANYONE will be ready for marriage and motherhood no mater how old they are. We got married while IN a major growing and learning stage, and also became parents in that time. I think being young has been nice because we KNOW we did not/do not know much and seek advice all the time.

    Living “life” WITH kids- Since we became parents at 19 and 23 we did not feel like we had crammed in as much “life” as possible before kids so doing things with them has been a natural progression.

    Maturing- Getting married, having kids, and a few “problems” we have had thus far has been crazily maturing. I feel honored to have grown up WITH my best friend.

    Young and “old”- I will be an ‘older’ mom who can potentially counsel younger moms without a TON of years between us. Lord willing anyway.

    Keep up the good posts!

    • Thanks Debra!! 🙂 Whew, you are young with baby #3 already 😉 How wonderful!!

      Thank you for the advice!! That’s a good point you made. Since you were young with your kids already, you just know life with them and have learned to do things with them. You didn’t get used to being just the two of you for long before adding your blessings! And what a great perspective, you can be that “older” mom and help mentor and encourage young moms even though you will only be a couple years older. What a great opportunity for ministry!!

  13. What a nice post. I think that just like everyones love story is different, everyone’s parenthood story will be different too. What is right for one person is not right for another. I think it is wise to try to plan everything in life, including children, but that mentallity of having to have everything BEFORE kids… is not wise.

    Great post,
    Iris♥

    • I completely agree! I honestly get kind of sad to see so many posts uplifting young marriage and parenthood as THE way to do things (not that Jami meant this, but it’s something I’m seeing more and more on blogs), and it really saddens me because I feel that MORE important than getting married and/or starting a family young is waiting for God’s guidance and timing. Not everyone will meet their significant other by the time they are 16-18-20 years old, and that does NOT speak badly for their character or godliness. In fact, I think that having the patience to wait for God and His timing, even while so many Christian Fundamentalists are saying that you need to be married young…well, I think it’s very admirable. The fact is that most people are looking for who God will have them to spend their lives with, (not all, but most), and have enough struggles with discontent over their singleness without us adding to it by making it some game that we “win” by getting married and pregnant at a young age. That’s not possible for everyone, even those who have that desire.

      Again, I’m not saying that Jami is trying to make anyone feel bad, she’s just trying to defend her own choices, but I think it’s important for us to remember that there’s another side to the coin.

      In fact you are extremely BLESSED by God to have been able to find your husband and start a family at such a young age and it doesn’t happen that way for everyone.

      • You are right Crystal. I am already 22 and may or may not be married by 23 and may or may not have kids right away. My fiance is already 26….we are waiting for God’s guidance and perfect timing for our marriage and then the same with our children. My Pastor & his wife have prayed for kids many times but the Lord does not allow them. Who knows why the Lord sees it best that way. And like you mentioned some won’t find there SO till their late 20 or 30s… Some start married life at 18 others at 28…God’s timing is perfect!

        Like I mentioned and you did Crystal…God’s timing brings the most joy and most importantly we need to ask God before guidance…even if it comes to having children.

        • Hi Iris,

          Thanks for chiming into the discussion! I hope I didn’t come off in this post that I think EVERYONE should be married by 19 and have babies by 22! I know we are in the minority in this and by no means think this should be the standard for everyone.

          However, God did call us into marriage early. And I think many people tend to look down on us (I mean young marrieds in general) like we made a rash decision that wasn’t based on God’s timing but rather our rash impulses and the marriage will never last. Unfortunately this it the response we get from many many people.

          So my goal in writing this post was not to say that EVERYONE should start a family by 22 but rather that SOME people are called to start a family at 22 by the Lord and this is just as legitimate and those who start a family at 32. I think people on both sides (young marrieds and those who got married older) feel they are they are in the minority at times and that “everyone” is doing the opposite of you. It can feel lonely and you can feel judged, a lot!

          Amen! It is ALL God’s perfect timing. If that means 19 then great…but if that means 29 or 39 then Praise the Lord for His timing in that as well! Some can’t fathom why we would get married at 19 and have babies at 22 and others wish that could have been their path. I am writing in this post, to other young marrieds to encourage them that they are not alone and to explain to anyone who thinks we are ignorant, stupid, or immature that it is possible for God to call some to young marriage.

          And Praise the Lord for HIS perfect timing 🙂

        • Jami Leigh, I think Crystal has some good points in her reply. it’s really important to remember that God works in different ways for different people. He is God, and He blesses us in the way that He sees fit. It’s wonderful that you met the love of your life at a young age, married young, and are able to start your family while you are young. All of those things really are tremendous blessings, and it is a shame that more people don’t see it that way. Here’s the thing, though. Not everyone should get married young, and not everyone who desires to get married young has that opportunity. I know that’s not exactly what you’re talking about here, but it seems to be the scenarios that bloggers tend to ignore. I understand the purpose of your blog is basically to encourage other women in your life circumstances, so you may not even find it relevant to think about those of us who marry and start families later in life. For some reason I feel compelled to point out that the differences between us aren’t as great as you’d first believe.

          I always thought my life would be a similar story to yours. But I didn’t meet my true love in high school. So I went to college. Guess what? No husband. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 26, and we were married just before I turned 28. All of my friends (except one) were married and had already started their families by this time. Not my plan, but I know I met the perfect man for me. We intended to start our family right away, but instead my husband got very ill during our first year of marriage, and was hospitalized for several months. Obviously, baby making was put on hold! In fact, I very nearly became a young widow. Enter infertility. I was 34 when we adopted our precious daughter. I can’t imagine anyone feeling more blessed than we did when she was placed in our arms. We will probably never have another child, a very different life than my dream of a large family. Through it all, God has been good. He never once stopped blessing us, and His goal has always been to make us more like Him. All that to say, that I’m glad that even though its not at all what I imagined life to be like, I am so glad that I have God’s best for my life. Even though I am an”old” mom, and all my friends with children the same age as my daughter are younger (like you!), and the norm of my friends and church is to marry young and have (lots of) babies young, I trust that God has not withheld his best from me. I also know there are other women out there like me, women you might not even expect to have these same thoughts and feelings.

          Sorry this got so long, and I understand if you do not wish to publish this. I know I am not your target audience. Congratulations on your coming twins, and may God continue to bless you in amazing ways!

          • Hi Amy,

            Thank you for stopping by and joining the conversation! As I feel like I have already said this twice already lol please see the responses I wrote to Crystal and Iris for more clarification on why I wrote this particular post.

            But I do understand your concern. I know that some blogs have a tendency to come off that if you don’t get married by 25 then something is wrong with you! That is definitely NOT what I think. I know that the Lord has different plans for different people and I thank the Lord that He brought us together at a young age.

            However, the fact of the matter is, the majority of our society is not getting married young anymore. Some live in very conservative communities where this may still be the norm but overall in our country the young marrieds are heavily in the minority. I know from living in California that it is certainly not the norm to get married young and we faced a lot of negative comments…even from just people at the grocery store.

            So in the beginning of this post I wrote: “Please note: This post is written because so many people are so negative about young couples starting families. It has become common for many couples to put off having babies until well into their 30′s for various reasons and now many look down on the couple who gets married young and starts a young family. My goal in this post is to give hope to the other young couples that you are not alone and that God has it planned that some will start families when they are young. Of course, God also has plans for others to start families later and I celebrate God’s time in each individuals life. I simply want to make a case that young families can be good and well within God’s perfect timing.”

            Of course I don’t want to ignore the couples who got married later and had kids later. But there are many blogs out there focused on that. My blog and this post in particular is focused on the young married because that is who I am and my perspective. I couldn’t write on getting married older because obviously I haven’t experienced it. But I do know what it’s like to be a young wife and young mom and I can use that to encourage those who are also young wives and young mothers. None of it is intended to be judgmental in anyway towards those who wait until they are older and if my comments ever come off as judgmental then please know I never intended them to be that way!

            Of course I think about those who got married and started families later in life but ultimately that is not the focus of my blog. I couldn’t even write about that because like I said, I have not experienced that. So please forgive me if you feel like I’m ignoring that part of the population, however I do know of several really good blogs written by those who got married older and for those who go married older. I do not know a whole lot of blogs written by a young married. And so that is my purpose, to connect with and encourage other young marrieds…hence the name of my blog “Young Wife’s Guide” 😉

            I appreciate your comments and take them to heart! And I pray that what I wrote did not offend you as that was never the intention! My goal was to encourage other young mothers that on those days they feel utterly alone…they are not and there is a place they can connect and meet other young mothers 🙂

            I am so sorry to hear about the struggles you went through and I can’t imagine the pain involved. But praise the Lord for adoption and that God orchestrated that for your family and that you were able to provide a family for your sweet daughter. And of course I would publish this! I thank you for sharing your heart and your thoughts with me today and I pray that through this response you see a little more of my heart and thoughts as well. And thank you, we are eagerly looking forward to the birth of our twins which could happen any day now. eek 🙂 So excited and nervous 😉

      • Oh Crystal I SO agree!! I thank the Lord all the time that he brought my husband and I together at a young age! We have some older friends who are still waiting for the “right guy” and they can get really discouraged and upset at times because they feel like it will never happen. My heart truly goes out to them and I don’t think they are doing anything “wrong” to still be single. Like you said, they are doing exactly what they should be…waiting on God’s perfect timing!

        I 100% agree that God brings each couple together on HIS timing! Unfortunately, many in our culture today look down on young marrieds. A lot of the couples getting married at 30 look down on us like we are “less” married or something. We get judged that we are irresponsible and that it will never last. We are told that we are too young…and yet….we felt God calling us into marriage so how could it be “too young”? Shouldn’t we follow God’s plan and timing FOR getting married young? I know that’s not what you were saying but I wanted to explain my perspective for writing posts like this.

        I understand that many many people don’t find their spouse until they are older. And I think it largely depends on the groups you are in. For us, we don’t know hardly any couples our age who are married. All of our friends are early 30’s. So we often feel alone in our age group. For you, it sounds like you have a lot of young marrieds in your social groups and thus YOU feel alone in your age group. I think everyone feels this at different times.

        Thus, Young Wife’s Guide was born out of the desire to connect with other young marrieds (and woman of all ages of course)!! It’s overwhelming to feel like a teeny tiny minority and not know anyone else who is starting a family at 22 and then turn on your computer and be able to connect with so many other women…In the EXACT same stage of life as you! 🙂 It’s wonderful. And I know there are many blogs out there dedicated to those who are currently single and those who got married later in life.

        So I wanted to say all of that to say: I mean absolutely no judgement by what I write on being married young. I absolutely think that God calls us together at different ages and stages in life. For us, God gifted us with an early married. But for others, marriage and babies may come later and I understand that it can be difficult for some to wait as well. But I am passionate and inspired to write because just like the older married or single person can feel ostracized by society…so can young marrieds. My passion is to let them know that they are not alone and to connect with other young marrieds. Thanks for adding your input Crystal!!! 🙂

  14. We were 21 and 22 when we got married. We purposely waited a few years before having our first baby and, I have to say, I am really glad. Those first 3 years of marriage, being just the 2 of us, were so invaluable in strengthening our bond, solidifying our identity as a married couple, and giving us the time and space needed to work through the challenges and adjustments of being newlyweds. Because, let’s face it, once kids come along (4 in our case) it is really hard to focus time and energy on your marriage…the kids take most of it! Those early years of marriage gave us a firm foundation, and I’ll always treasure those years. But I would not trade our 4 beautiful children for anything! And I’m so glad that we did start having them in our mid-20’s…when I still had lots of energy. By the time I had my 4th, I was almost 35…and didn’t quite have that same energy. 🙂

    God’s blessings on you for a healthy rest of your pregnancy…and God bless your marriage and growing family!

    • We also waited a couple of years. We have will have been married a little over 3 1/2 years by the time our babies come! While I had “baby fever” for a while 😉 I am still so thankful for that time with my hubby! We have such a solid foundation and we look forward to this next stage 🙂

  15. We started having children around the same age. We now have 12 blessings and that is our most prized possessions besides God and our Bible 🙂 They have been a huge part of our ministry and also a great testimony in our town. Yes, they are WORK, but anything worthwhile takes time and energy. I recently had 2 miscarriages and that has been the hardest thing in my life. People cannot understand why I would want another baby so badly. We LOVE our children 🙂

    • Oh how wonderful! Congratulations on your 12 blessings 🙂 I am sorry to hear about your losses. I can’t imagine the pain involved. But how wonderful for that love you feel for them! I can’t wait to experience that love of a mother any day now!

  16. 22 and 24? You two are old to have kids…hahah, just teasing. I had my first at 21 and second baby at 22! Now that I’m 30 with 4 kids under age 9, I’m shocked I kept having kids so close in age. You’re right!-I had the energy. I would have to be at my current age and just be starting! We’re going on 11 years of marriage and it’s been a blast so far!

    I love that you say your job is at home with your kids. Having kids IS a job and I’m proud to be a stay at home mama! Great post and I love all the supportive comments. I know God is happy with this route (:

    • Haha thanks 😉 But wow, yes you were young 😉 But I’m sure it’s nice to have that younger age down with when you have more energy. And as I look forward to having these twins…I am going to need ALL the energy I can get lol!!

      Thank you for the encouragement!! 🙂

  17. ps! My sister and I that run our blog are identical twins. SO happy you’re going to be blessed with two at a time…we feel bad for all your singles running around out there, lol!! You’ll love it!!

  18. My husband and I got married right after I turned 18. He was almost 21. We had our first baby 6 days after our first anniversary. Now I’m 21 and he’s 24, and our new daughter is 4 months old!

  19. This is so awesome! My husband and I are 24, and currently have a six month old son. God blessed us by allowing us to get pregnant RIGHT away (Our son was 2 months old on our one year anniversary). We are a missionary family, which means in a nutshell that we don’t have a whole lot of money, and we knew our families were hoping we would wait until we were in a more stable financial place, but I cannot even describe the blessing that our son has been to us and to our family, and God is always providing for our needs in one way or another…sometimes in very timely and incredible ways! At the moment we are trusting in the Lord to know when the right time for another child will be, but we are always open to the possibility, because we know that the Lord will take care of us, and we can’t wait to give our little man a sibling (one of my college professors was fond of saying that a sibling is the absolute best gift you can give your children). I think that the first years of marriage are such a beautiful, but sometimes difficult period of growing with one another, and I can see how great it could be to have the first few years of marriage as just a husband and wife. But, that being said, having experienced only a few weeks of marriage before we got pregnant, it was amazing to actually be able to live the FULLNESS of our marriage as husband and wife, and PARENTS, right from the start! I firmly believe that God is serious in his calling to marriage couples to bring forth life, and we are very blessed to have a young family that we hope is nowhere near complete yet!

    • Oh so much fun! Congrats on your baby boy!! You will have to stop by once I have my boys to give tips on raising boys 😉 And we know the feeling, God is constantly providing for our needs at every corner. He is SO good!!

      And I think if we waited for the “perfect” timing when money was never an issue….then most of us would never start families! There’s always something else to buy or to save up for. How wonderful that you see what a huge blessing have a family is!! So many people today don’t think it’s a blessing and rather see kids has a burden. Praise the Lord for other young families like you!!

  20. Jami Leigh,
    Thanks for writing this article! We had our oldest at 18 and our second boy at 22. ( we are unable to have more children at this point but, God willing we are hoping to adopt someday…) I am so glad I am so glad I am young enough to chase them around now! At 6 and 2 things can get crazy. I couldn’t imagine trying to homeschool and keep up with my 2 year old at 35 or 40! I pray the best for you and your family, enjoy your boys! They really are a blessing.

    • Hi Bonnie,

      Thank you for stopping by! 🙂 I’m sure it takes SO much energy to chase around a 6 and 2 year old. Praise the Lord for that energy now even though I’m sure most days it doesn’t feel like enough lol! We can’t wait for our boys 😀

  21. My husband and I received judgement for getting married young (I was 21, he was 27), and judgement for having a child a year later. We are about to celebrate 5 years of marriage, and at times, friends are surprised that we’ve “made it” since we “jumped in” so young. Those things can be difficult to hear, but when we’re at home in the house that we own (buying a home was another thing nobody thought we should do while we were young), with our little family unit, including our bright and beautiful daughter (hopefully soon to have a sibling) none of it matters because we are walking our walk, and there is only one judgement that matters.

    • I know, there can be so much judgement from those that don’t understand getting married young. But after building a family and having a thriving marriage, we can really be a testimony to those around us!! And how wonderful that you have been building your family 🙂 Congrats!

  22. I just loved this post! I came across you on Facebook and have been perusing your blog 🙂 I think what you write is so wonderful and I believe alot of young wives and Mothers will value your perspective! It rang so true to my heart and I just loved it!
    My husband and I got married at 21 and 22. Thankfully my family was incredibly supportive and my husband’s family are Christians (and all were married much younger than us) so it was no surprise that we were married so young. It was however, a surprise to everyone that we were expecting only 3 months later (a surprise to us as well!!). I would have liked to get the whole ‘wife’ thing down a bit better (we never lived together prior to marriage) so while being newlyweds and having ALOT of adjustments and things to learn about eachother, it was all topped with wild pregnancy hormones 🙂 We have now been married 4 years and have 2 children, another on the way and another in Heaven! For me personally, I never wanted a career and knew I wanted a family. I have an incredible attachment to my family as we have gone through more losses than most will ever experience in a lifetime, so I knew I wanted the same bond and support for my children. I knew I wanted children young because I wanted to make sure they were blessed to know my parents (My Dad has health issues and we are all well aware it truly could be any moment). My parents are inspirational people and I felt incredibly compelled to ensure my children would also have a close relationship with them. I feel SO honoured to have my parents such an intricate part of our children’s lives! We live 2 houses apart and it warms my heart to see our oldest run to “Papa’s house” so they can do puzzles or crochet with “Mama” (the same house I spent my entire life in).. It’s a very surreal experience to see your parents interact with your own child for the first time!
    Although the idea of having a longer ‘honeymoon’ period, or traveling more sometimes crosses both our minds with a wistful sigh, we are both so incredibly elated with the blessings we have.
    Looking back, it is awe-inspiring to see God’s hands in SO many of our lives’ decisions and occasions! Things that we were upset, stressed or worried about turned out to be all part of God’s miraculous plan for our life together! We went from renting an apartment and having my husband in school without a job (and me working full time to support both of us when we first got married) to having him have to quit school to get a job after we got pregnant. At the time, everyone was a bit upset at the series of events (what are you doing, you’re ruining your life, etc etc), but what must have made the Lord smile is knowing that, with that job came a permanent full time Government position the very day our son was born, incredible benefits that allow him to take off 6 months fully paid when a child is born AND they give him paid time off for his schooling AND pay for 100% for it and being able to afford our first home only 6 months after our wedding (which I could not have afforded on my own income)! Truly, HE is incredible!
    I also wanted to share how much I agree that children are such a BLESSING and truly DO just make everything better! Seeing my husband with our children is one of my greatest joys. Our children have brought us so much closer and taught us so much about eachother. The other day, I sat back and was in tears realizing that I TRULY love my husband more now, than the day I married him. I didn’t think it was possible because I remember how I felt about him and how I could have flown to Heaven and back with my passion and love for him… But now, my love has grown to SO much more. So much more respect, adoration, honour, understanding, praise, unconditional love… I began to see him in a totally new light, not just my highschool sweetheart who I desired for so long and ‘won’, but this man, this supporter and protector of my heart, doting Father to our children, that he has become in such a short time. He has truly grown into my PARTNER. And that is all thanks to the Lord, His plans (alot of trials and tribulations along the way) and the blessings of our children! 🙂 I couldn’t be happier that we were led to marry young (although I didn’t feel it was young, I wanted to marry him when I was 17 hehe), I have the honour of spending every day with my best friend, companion, lover and love while growing together and raising these children who can only be described as works of God, because we both agree there is just not way we raised them to be so precious, with the most honourable attributes!

    Thanks again for your post, sorry for the rant!! 🙂

  23. We had our first planned pregnancy when I was 21. Many asked if the pregnancy was an accident and my gp asked if I would like an abortion 🙁

    Our first is now turning 11. He is an amazing child with a passion for God and others. We now have a 9 year old and 7 year old too. They have kept us very busy but we wouldn’t have our lives any other way.

    Life doesn’t always go to our plan but it does go to His plan. We planned to homeschool but due to one of our children having a special need we decide it was in their best interest to be educated in a Christian school. God had smoothed the path before us and provided a place in a wonderful school and then supplied me with a job there too. Jeremiah 29:11.

  24. Ha! I’m doing both. Had my first at 23, 9 months after our wedding (the only unplanned of my pregnancies), my second at almost 27, and now pregnant for #3 at age 38!

  25. Jami…
    I just want to encourage you that you are *so* on the right track here. I am a 40 year old Mom of ten children. I had my first when I was almost 23, and I turned 40 a few days after my youngest was born. The early years were far easier energy-wise, but I will say this to encourage you, should you ever find yourself as an older Mom navigating through pregnancy and toddlers: by the time I got to be an older Mom, my first children were mature enough to be huge helpers to me. I honestly do not work nearly as hard (physically) as I did when I only had, say, five children at age 29. Now, the mental work of managing this many variables of health, diet, schedules, homeschooling, and most importantly, *hearts* is more consuming, but the physical part isn’t as tough.
    I am so excited for you guys to be beginning your family young…for making your own choices no matter the flack from “They”. You’ll be ever-so-blessed.
    One more thing…my teenagers (there are almost five of them) sit around telling stories about when they were young constantly. I sometimes cringe when they tell me fruity stuff that they did that passed under my Mommy Radar, but most often I am so amazed and humbled to hear them ask in astonishment, “Are you serious? Were we really that poor when we were young? We had no idea!” All the struggling you do to make a budget work without Mom leaving home will be worth it. Love ’em up and they’ll never be negatively affected by the frugal circumstances. My kids think they are better for it. I agree.

  26. What a blessing it has been reading your blog. I am excited to see young people follow the Lord with such passion. I am so proud to see you start a family at a young age. The more children God blesses you with the more blessed you are. When it comes hard remember He is your strength and joy and He will keep you going. God bless Arlena English

  27. I loved reading your post! My husband and I got married at 19 and 20! We are now 21 and 22 and are talking about starting a family soon! We are so excited and I have been having really bad baby fever lately! 🙂

  28. I love this article! My husband is 22 and I’m 21 and we are trying to decide if this is the right time to start a family. I’m in college right now I’m not sure what to do. We want to give this decision to the Lord and let Him take the lead in our lives. We have just recently decided to stop birth control and allow the Lord to do as He sees fit for our lives. We are incredibly nervous and have many fears but we feel that this is right for us.

  29. My husband and I married at 21 and 22. Even before we were married we agreed we wanted a family right away! I’ve felt the need to stay home, even though we haven’t acted on that just yet. I’ve also felt the call to be a mother. For the two years we’ve been married we have done all we can to start a family and still nothing. I’ve only gotten better as I’ve begun praying for God to take the need from me until His time. I have heard everything there could be against marrying young, starting a family young, and homeschooling and even being a stay at home wife! I’m glad to know there are people who feel the way we do, even thought my husband and I are confident in our desires it is nice to not feel so different.

  30. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and share my hubby and i’s convictions on family. I was 26 when we courted, got engaged and married (we had known each other for several years). We both believed (believe) that God makes it clear in His word that we are to submit my womb to Him and welcome what children we He would give us in His timing. We didn’t choose to “plan” and wait till the world’s standards said we were ready. God blessed us with a beautiful daughter 10 months later and another precious daughter two years after that. They are our greatest blessings and we have no regrets. We have no idea how many children God will choose to give us, but we look forward to meeting each one. He has always provided and we know we can trust Him. I would challenge anyone considering planning their family to study God’s word in depth and to pray for His revelation. It may be scary to walk by faith but it is always rewarding. A great resource is the book “be fruitful and multiply.”

  31. Thank you for this! I love all these tips and think they are great! My husband and I decided to talk about having a family someday and I couldn’t agree more with all that you had to say. Especially about being young and having the energy!

    P.S. your boys are adorable!!

  32. Wow! Even though this post was made back in 2012, it has still blessed me and encouraged me greatly today in 2014! I am also preparing to be a young wife too. Next year I will be marrying my best friend. We will be 22 and 23 when we get married. I am so excited to read all of the posts of this page because they help me realize that we are not the only young, Christian couple to marry early. Thank you so much for your passion for blogging and blessing other young couples with your experiences! God Bless!

  33. I met my husband when I was 19, got married 8 months later, and a year later when I was 22 we had our son. We had our daughter when I was 25. I’m 26 and feel like my clock is ticking, if God would want us to have more I’d prefer it to be soon! I love the idea of us being in our 50’s and empty nesters, just enjoying each other. I respect and agree with you 100%! I live your articles, and have passed along your modesty series to my mom (she is raising 4 girls now, they have huge hearts for modesty and purity!). I’m sorry you have received critism for your decision to follow Gods will for you, but what you are doing is being noticed in a positive light to so many people! Praying for you and your family!

  34. Even though we didn’t have children ’til our mid 30’s, I always recommend people marry and have their kids young. 🙂 It just happened with us that we ended up meeting the right one much later on than we would have liked. I hope our children will not regret our decision when we are “old” grandparents some day. 🙂

  35. I am just reading this after you re-shared it on Facebook. Congratulations on your third pregnancy, by the way! I was 19 when my son was born in December 2012. He is such a joy to my heart. I chose to stay at home with him and will homeschool. Right now we have plans to add to our family within the next year to year and a half. My husband has his bachelor’s degree and I have an associate’s. My best advise for young moms and dads is to get in a Christian community with other parents who have kids of similar ages. Our group goes from people our age up to people in their 30s.

  36. Here here! I got married at 19, then we decided to gave a baby, we now have 3 and I’m 24. I get a lot of interesting looks and comments, but if don’t care. I am blessed with the 3 kids I have.

  37. My husband and I were married when we were 21 and 23. A month after I turned 22 I had my son and three years later I had my daughter! Looking back ( I’m 29 now) I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Although I don’t feel as young anymore (LOL) we both hope to have more children in the near future 🙂
    Congratulations on your third baby!

  38. I think this post is so amazing. My boyfriend and I are seniors in high school, and have been together for three years, and we cannot wait to start a family after we graduate! I will be so blessed to have a little bundle of joy in my arms. <3

  39. My husband and I are both 20 years old. We got married on 12-31-13 when I was 19 years old and he was 18. We cannot wait to start our family and are planning on trying come this fall/winter. The excitement is overwhelming and we cannot wait to experience the Lords blessings in our life. God willing.

  40. I’m so happy to have come across your blog. I have been reading left and right for the past two days. I’m in love with your blog being able to have such clear vision. I’m in the young married situation now, I married at 21, finished college and I’m mostly happy. I do feel that I did marry to young though. I had barely gotten out the house and now I’m unsure of what I’m suppose to do. I want to force myself because I don’t know where my heart is at. I pray and answers don’t come. How did you know? I have a hard time with the whole family thing I sometimes I think maybe its not for me but I don’t want to let go. Do you ever question it? I hear having a C-Section can mess up mother’s like that. I’ve had 2 and have raised my children a little different. I’m trying to do better with my life, God’s will for it, but there are many days I’m idol, I’m uncertain and wondering how much life I have left to live then actually living it.

  41. I totally agree. Congrats on your beautiful babies. My husband and I were 23 when we had our first child, we went on ,to have five all together. We were truly blest. I am 43 now, and my oldest who has just turned 20 was married and they just had their first baby. I encourage you, to enjoy your children, bless your husband, and be busy at home. I have no regrets. It can be a little lonely at times, if people around you don’t agree with your way of life ( I home schooled too), that’s ok, just be polite about it, and keep going. God bless.

  42. I was 21 when we had our first of 6 kiddos. Their ages now range from 28 to 15. People are curious and ask questions when they see our family portrait, I usually end up explaining that we are the original parents and it isn’t about religious affiliation. I tell them I can’t imagine a more important thing I could have dedicated my life to. Motherhood is my first full-time career choice and now that this season is almost over, I have no regrets about staying home and raising a large family. My first grandbaby is due in a few months!

  43. I love your writing on young marriage and this post. I wish we had been able to marry young and have our children young (and more of them!). I was 30 when we were finally blessed with out first and almost 40 when God surprised us with our second, who we thought we would never have. I know that God’s timing is best but it’s hard not to wish I had been younger. But then again, maybe I wouldn’t have had the confidence to make my own parenting decisions instead of following the statusquo.

  44. I love this! My husband and I are not necessarily religious people as far as reading the bible, going to church, etc. but we do have beliefs and what not. Anyway, we got married shortly after we turned 20 and have been married for 2 years now. We are in the process of starting our family (ttc stage yet) but it can definitely get discouraging when you tell people you’re 20, 21, etc and married. I almost always get strange looks and comments like “you’re married?!” “But you’re so young!” Or “you have so much life yet though don’t you want to get out and explore??”
    Hey, just because I’m married doesn’t mean my young adult life has ended, it just means I get to do all that fun stuff my other friends are doing but with my best friend. And I don’t need to worry about going out and “hooking up” like some because I have my husband. I wouldn’t trade being married for anything!

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