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5 Marks of a Biblical Marriage

on October 26, 2012 by Jami Balmet 11 comments

We all want to have a thriving marriage right? We want to be happy, fulfilled, and loved within our marriage and for our spouse to meet our needs. Wanting some of these in our marriages isn’t necessarily bad, but neither are they the point of marriage.

What makes up a Gospel-Centered, Biblical Marriage? Here are 5 marks of a Christ-Centered marriage.

What does a christ-centered marriage look like

1) Selflessness

A mark of a Godly Christian is their willingness to humble themselves and be selfless towards other. This is true especially in marriage, where we are called to be selfless to each other and put our spouses needs first. This is an effective way towards a happier marriage.

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” ~ Philippians 2:3-8

The practice of selflessness, putting each other’s needs before your own, is very difficult, because by nature we are selfish beings. However, practically speaking, many benefits arise from both husband and wife mutually prioritizing the other’s needs. When both parties make an effort to please one another by putting their needs/wants/desires first, a magical thing happens: both husband and wife are getting there needs met.

2) Good Communication

Communication within marriage can be very difficult! Wires get crossed and simple words and sentences are taken far out of context, and strife starts to build. We say things rashly and without thinking to our spouses, and we leave them feeling hurt and we act selfishly towards them. But God calls us to a higher standard. We are to guard our mouths (Psalm 141:3), speak wisdom (Matthew 12:36-37), be slow to speak( Ecclesiastes 5:2) {especially angry words (James 1:19)}, and learn to communicate well with our spouse.

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” ~Proverbs 15:1

Communication is critical to any relationship, and doubly so in a marriage. Having good communication with friends and family is beneficial, sure, but how much more imperative is it that you have quality communication with the person that you are one with?

3) Spiritual Emphasis (together and separately)

Our highest calling as Christians is to know God and to glorify Him. We cannot do this effectively if we are not seeking the Lord individually and as a couple. It is so vital for the life of the believer to come before God alone and study His word and worship Him (2 Timothy 3:14-17). And it is also important to come before the Lord as a couple.

If our biggest priority in life should be Christ, and our second should be our husband and family, then how can we effectively worship the Lord if we don’t worship with our family? God designed the Christian life to be lived out in community and not in solitude. God’s community is the church and this first begins at home! Strong families can make up a strong church of believers. Likewise, weak and inconsistent families will make up a weak and inconsistent congregation.

  • Pray together every night before bed
  • Listen to sermons together
  • Discuss sermons you listen together and Sunday morning sermons
  • Read books together to grow in your knowledge and worship of God
  • Continually ask how you can pray for your spouse (and follow through!)
  • Involve your children in discussions and worship time
  • Maintain a focus on God within your home at all times
Photo by elsbeth cool

4) Intimacy (Regularity, desire = both satisfied)

This can be a touchy submit for some couples and many have struggled with intimacy at some point in their marriage. Two great resources for those struggling with intimacy in their marriage are Intended for Pleasure by Ed & Gaye Wheat and Getting Your Sex Life Off To a Great Start by Clifford and Joyce Penner (NOT just for newlyweds, a great resource for all married couples).

God created sex as a blessing and a gift. He could have made procreation boring and routine. Instead, he gave us a wonderful gift that draws us close together as a couple. Sex is a deeply intimate connection, and the Lord gave it to us as a gift. However, when a couple struggles with sex, it can pull them apart. God meant for sex to bring us together, not draw us apart.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” ~ Genesis 2:24

A good sex life starts with good communication. When a couple cannot communicate well, they have a difficult time talking about sex, (what they like, what they need, whether they are satisfied) and unmet expectations can tear a relationship apart. We will write more on this later but if both the husband and wife are not satisfied with their sex life then something needs to change! Communication needs to be enhanced and perhaps a weekend away is needed!

5) Intentional Parenting

While not everyone becomes a parent, most marriages do involve parenting. And when God calls you to be a parent, He wants you to be intentional about how you raise your kids. It takes hard work as a husband and wife to work together in order to craft a vision for your family. You have to spend time in God’s word learning for yourself what it teaches and then as a couple and as individuals you can teach and shape your children.

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” ~ Proverbs 22:5

Training up a child in the way he should go is no easy task! Diligently teaching your children about the Lord and how to be Godly individuals is something that takes a lot of planning, communication, thought, and study by the parents and they need to be intentional in this effort.

Rely on the Lord

Ultimately, our lives depend on the Lord. Yes, communication and sex are important. But without the Lord, they mean nothing. We must first set our hope and our faith upon the Lord as an individual and then come together as a couple before the Lord.

The more that we invest in and study God’s word, the more we can draw closer to Him. The more we draw closer to Him and strive to be a Godly wife or husband, the more Christ like we can become and the more selfless we will become. As we develop into more selfless spouses then our communication should improve and ultimately our marriage. However, we must remember that the ultimate goal isn’t to have a happy marriage but rather a God honoring marriage where we are each seeking His will and His way. 

A strong marriage.

Join Me For a Challenge!

One of my goals for 2016 is to focus more on my husband, to have more fun in our marriage, and to make him feel cherished and loved! Together with two of my very favorite bloggers, we will be going through a marriage challenge February 8-March 8th!Get all the details & join in here!

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Are you ready to take some time to focus on your marriage but you don’t know where to start? Do you wish you and your husband spent more time talking, laughing, and having fun together? Three Christian bloggers have come together to give you the ultimate bundle to help you strengthen your marriage! Check out the bundle today (and join our optional Facebook challenge group)!

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