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3 Ways to Have a Lazy Husband

on November 9, 2012 by Blair Allen 28 comments

By Blair Allen, Guest Writer

If you have ever spent time on internet message boards you are probably all too familiar with “husband bashing”.  Here I have compiled a list of what seems to be a sure fire way to have a lazy husband.

Image courtesy of [graur razvan ionut] /FreeDigitalPhotos.net

1) Never let him be right

When having a discussion with your husband always correct at least one thing he says.  It could be his grammar, pronunciation, or just his overall thought process.  Treat each conversation if it were the last presidential debate and your point must be made before the timer runs out.  Pretty soon he will stop making the effort to share his heart with you and you wont have to be so annoyed anymore.

2) Insist that your way is always better

Be sure to make him feel at least moderately guilty when not doing things your way.  Always laugh at him when he tries.

Imagine that you need his help with getting the children ready for church because you are running behind. 8-year-old Faith has a hair thingy in her hair she has not worn since she was four,  Junior is wearing tall black socks with his shorts, and the baby has on a bib you don’t allow in public because it has a tiny stain.  Go ahead, laugh at them.

Undo everything he did and get the children ready the right way.  Watch the look in your children’s eyes as they lose a little respect for their Daddy and think of you as the smarter parent.  Your husband will stop helping in no time at all! (This is especially true if you are first time parents with a newborn!)

3) Pray for your husband constantly, but never for yourself

Pray that God will change him and mold him into a better Christian, father, husband, leader.  Lord please make him more attractive, less lazy, and while we are at it that he will get a better job.

Image courtesy of [Ambro] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

On the contrary if you prefer your husband to be an active participant in your marriage and someone who you admire and respect try these things!

1) Let it go!

It is ok for his view to differ from yours.  Remember that you married him because you liked his outside the box way of thinking.  You liked the quirky little way he said bagel, and you thought it was charming the way he sang lyrics in  response to your questions.

2) Thank him!

Tell your husband that you really appreciate his help.  Praise him for his willingness to contribute to the household needs.  Give him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn’t trying to mess things up.  (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)  Look adoringly on your family and tell Faith how cute she looks in that bow you had forgotten all about.  Tell Junior that he is handsome just like his Daddy!  Kiss the baby and mention how much you will miss this stage once he’s grown out of the need for bibs.

3) Pray for yourself

Ask God to grow you in your marriage.  Ask Him to mold you into a wife that is supportive of her husband.  Respectful.  Pray the Lord will help you to see your husband how He sees him and to embrace who he is instead of who you think you want him to be.  Pray for your husband’s well-being, and salvation if necessary, but remember that marriage is a covenant between God and TWO sinners. (Matthew 19:6, Romans 3:23)

Get instant free access to my Finding Joy in Your Home video course.

  • Do you want to discover more joy, peace, & tranquility within your home?
  • Do you feel overwhelmed and like your house is out of control?
  • Join my free course and learn the essential habits for Christian homemakers
  1. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, this post! I have come across this not just on blogs but in my church and others. Respect for a husband is not valued by anyone anymore. It breaks my heart. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Love it! It is so true to a t. I used to have a “lazy husband” until a women’s group Bible study brought some very wise women into my life who encouraged me to be a wife in the Biblical sense. I thought it was foolish at first, but I was desperate to save my crumbling marriage. 2 1/2 years later and we are more in love than we have ever been, my children have more love and respect for their father than they had in the past, and our entire family dynamic has changed. What amazed me the most is that our attitude can affect the ENTIRE family, not just our private relationship with our husband. God put those things in the Bible about submission, respect, selflessness etc for a reason. When we follow his ways, obedience is a blessing! 🙂 He does honor the righteous man (or woman) and there is so much good that comes from that!
    Thanks for writing on this!

    • Thank you so much for sharing from your experience Liz! So many times people see God’s “rules” as restricting without realizing just how much joy and freedom they actually bring!

  3. This is a super-great post! Convicting! Challenging! Thanks for the tips at the end. Halfway through I was like, ‘ouch.’ Good direction for those of us who make these mistakes on occasion!

    • Thank you for commenting Sarah! It is very encouraging to me as a blogger to hear that a post the Lord inspired me to write was convicting and challenging for even one person! I’m so thankful the Lord is patient with us, aren’t you?

  4. Wow, I know that I struggle with this. Thanks for writing this post. Its great how you put this all into words. I work on this fault finding thing because I know how destructive it can be to the other person, because I was on the other end of it for so long. Maybe its a tendency to make sure it doesn’t happen to me again but I try to apologize when I notice it. I pray, Cleanse my heart Lord! Thank you so much for this post. I will share it on my blog face book page. God Bless!

  5. I get so frustrated and tired of hearing these same answers from Christian websites. I don’t mean to sound bitter or negative. I am a christian mom and wife. But why do we always have to make excuses and take on the role of accepting it when our husbands are lazy or mean or distant or disconnected? Is this saying we have to change ourselves while letting our men off the hook? 3 ways to make our husbands lazy? This isn’t US making our husband lazy… sometimes they are just plain lazy all on their own! I am sorry about this post and how it sounds, but I am in the place in my marriage where I am just so tired of having to be the martyred wife.

    • Thank you for keeping it real Tracy and asking honest questions!

      I do not think we should make excuses or take on the role of accepting our husband’s mistakes or shortcomings. That isn’t what this post is about. This post is written from the perspective as a “preventative measure.” You are absolutely right, some husbands are just plain lazy. Some were that way when they proposed and their wives to be accepted. Some became that way over time. Either way the wife is to extend grace to her husband just as the Lord has extended grace to her. Maybe that is the part that feels like “excuses”? We have to remind ourselves that God extends His grace to the humble, but resists the proud. (James 4:6) All I know is that regardless of how ANYONE else behaves or treats us, we are accountable to the Lord and He expects for us to behave in a way that is glorifying to Him. Harboring unforgiveness towards our husbands in our hearts will only breed contempt. There is nothing glorifying about that!

  6. Thank you so much!!!
    I have been searching for help, but didn’t know what to look for. Sometimes too often, all we can focus on is the negative, without knowing that what we need is the exact opposite. Thank you again. This is a blessing in my life.

  7. Lovely post.I really needed to hear this today, though it is a bitter pill to swallow. Sometimes I feel alone and defeated because of this kind of behavior from my significant other. In my case, I believe its more pronounced as I am expecting yet abandoned to tedious chores and planning for the new born as he snores on the couch all day long. I feel enslaved and frankly quite suffocated at the moment. There are nights I’ve sat up teary eyed because of his blatant disregard for me (an my condition) and wondered if I shouldn’t just pack up and walk away. We are currently engaged you see and are to be formally married this year, but I am beginning to have my doubts. I work 10 – 12 hour days and then there is the night shift ,which if I don’t schedule,will be totally neglected. All the while, there he is on social media or on the couch flipping channels. You’re right maybe he is depressed or something, but its nothing I’ve caused unless he pouting because of hot suppers and a clean house. 🙁

  8. All very good advice, especially improving ourselves, asking God to make us better, etc. and certainly, appreciating our husbands fully and openly and never belittling them. Our personal relationship improved vastly, I improved vastly. However, a really lazy guy, lazy in his bones?—only he can cure it and most of them won’t. My own beloved just told me he’s of retirement age and he really doesn’t see himself working anymore. He has a tiny pension and never has worked much the past 25 years. I’ve been sick quite awhile, but he now expects me to get a full time job and get cracking. Wish it were possible!!!!!! No, If a guy is extremely lazy, stick it out till the kids are out of high school, be fully accepting cause that eliminates false expectations and arguing thus saving much energy, and take great care of yourself. Don’t fight it, don’t fret—just wait to escape. It won’t work out.