Learning Lessons from the Proverbs 31 Woman

August 21, 2012 By Jami Balmet 6 Comments

ANOTHER post on the Proverbs 31 woman? Yes. Why another post? Because the teachings found in Proverbs 31 are fundamanetal to understanding our role as Biblical women.

I have heard women complain before that they don’t want to hear about the Proverbs 31 excellent wife again. To some, the excellent wife seems like such an impossibly high standard so why bother trying. Still others feel that the excellent wife is just used to push them down and make them feel like failures. These women are sick of hearing of the “perfect” excellent wife.

But I pray that you do not fall into this thinking. We can learn so much from the excellent wife and it is vital to know what God’s standards are.

What we can learn from the Excellent Wife

The Proverbs 31 woman is cherished by her husband. Her husband trusts in her and is his companion in life.

She is industrious and works with her hands. She is not afraid to roll up her sleeves and get down to business. She is up before anyone else in her household and goes to bed last.

This woman works hard and it’s all for her husband and children!

This woman has a quiet and gentle spirit. She is submissive to her husband and loves her children. And yet, she works hard and brings in income for her family.

We can learn from the excellent wife because she should be our standard. This is the picture of the ideal woman. Some days we may fail miserably at this, and that’s okay! As long as we are striving to be Godly women.

She is selfless and works HARD for her family. We must look to her example and learn from her.

Why it is Vital to know Her Story

The Excellent wife in Proverbs 31 was not originally told to a women. It was originally spoken by a Queen who was instructing her son on what to look for in a wife.

This was meant to be the ultimate guide for looking for a wife. As a King, this young man could take many foreign wives to secure political power and peace or have any beauty in the kingdom that he wanted.

But his wise mother knew better. She knew what makes an excellent wife and she instructs her son on what to look for.

We must know the story of the excellent wife so that we can not only, instruct our own soul and shape our lives around this Biblical model, but so that we can teach our daughters to one day be this excellent wife and instruct our sons on what to look for in a wife.

It is vital that we train up each new generation to know this model and to expect it. My sister’s are at the age that they are starting to seriously consider marriage as a near prospect and are looking for a Godly husband.

The problem is, the men around them are not looking for Godly women. They are not looking for these qualities found in Proverbs 31 and so Godly marriages are not forming.

We must instruct our sons and our daughters what the Proverbs 31 excellent wife looks like so that they can model their own lives after it and find spouses who do the same.

Memorize Her Story

I have found, that in order to have the excellent wife always in my head, I need to memorize her story. I need to meditate on what it is that makes her an excellent wife. I need to hide the wise Queen’s words in my heart so that I can model my own heart and behavior after her and so that I can teach it to my sons and daughters.

I made these Proverbs 31 cards to help me memorize her story and take the scripture along with me on the go. They also make excellent gifts for birthdays and Bible studies!

Filed Under: Devotional, Uncategorized Tagged With: Biblical Womanhood, scripture 6 Comments

The Importance of Memorizing Scripture

August 14, 2012 By Jami Balmet 15 Comments

Bible memorization has never been of high important in my Christian walk. Oh, I know that I SHOULD be memorizing scripture. It’s on my to do list. One day I’ll get to memorizing scripture. One day.

SourceWell as I have matured in my Christian walk I realize that that is not good enough. God calls us to study and know His word.

But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect. ~ 1 Peter 3:15

We are responsible to know God’s word and be prepared to present it to others. Scripture should saturate our hearts and minds with thankfulness and joy.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. ~ Colossians 3:16

Did you know that in the times of the Old Testament many people had large portions of the Bible memorized including entire books. They did not each have their own Bible and most household didn’t even have one to share among the family. Scribes would even memorize the entire Old Testament that they could summon up at a moment’s notice!

And yet we struggle to memorize 5 or even 10 verses or passages. I don’t know about you but this is very convicting!

John MacArthur writes,

Repetition expands our capability of recall. Recovering spiritual truth demands repetition and use. The more you hear, think through, and apply spiritual truth the more it begins to dominate your thinking. Eventually you will react involuntarily in the proper spiritual manner to any situation because a particular spiritual principle has become so much a part of you.

When we memorize scripture, we store it in our hearts to recall at a moments notice. When God’s word is written on our heart, we always carry it with us.

MacArthur then goes on to say,

God has designed our physical structure to accommodate our spiritual needs. We have a marvelous capacity for memory. Scriptures is full of reports of how God’s prophets were called to tell His people to remember. If I can serve no other purpose than that, I serve the highest purpose of God.First, I want to establish you in the present truth. But second, I need to constantly jog your memory so that you never forget those truths. The more they come to the front of your mind, the more you will find your spiritual responses becoming involuntary because you have become so dominated by the truth of God.

This has been on my heart a lot lately and I have been slow to respond. But I feel the need to memorize scripture growing and I hope you will join me. I have found that printing out scripture and bringing it with me helps me to memorize His word.

Last year, I ended up at the doctor’s office with chest pains and tightness. Many exams and tests later, it turns out my heart is healthy and the pain was caused internally by stress and anxiety.

I was having a hard time dealing with my anxiety and realized that I wasn’t relying on God’s sovereignty and His promises. So I began memorizing scripture on anxiety and it helped me so much to release my sinful anxiety and focus on trusting the Lord!

Do you have a method for memorizing scripture? What are your memorizing goals?

I made these Scripture Memory cards for myself when I was struggling with anxiety and have also made them for Bible studies. Now I am selling them through my design business, Fount of Inspiration.

I am excited to offer A Heart Prepared {Scripture Memory Cards} for your personal use or as great Bible study and party gifts.

They are for sale now in my Esty store: Fount of Inspiration

Filed Under: Devotional, Uncategorized Tagged With: Biblical Womanhood, scripture 15 Comments

Where (and how) to buy modest clothing

August 10, 2012 By Jami Balmet 34 Comments

During A Modest Heart series, we have taken a look at what Scripture has to say about Modesty, what a HEART of modesty really looks like, and what modesty is {and isn’t}.

Now I want to get even more practical and share some great tips on buying modest clothing. Come back on Monday for tips on turning immodest clothing into modest clothing, how to find cheap (or free) modest clothing, and more!

Where to Buy Modest Clothing:

I hear this over and over again. A young lady is striving to dress modestly but just doesn’t know where to buy modest clothing. So she gives up and buys whatever is at the mall and in style. This is of course no excuse to not dress modestly, but it can be difficult and frustrating sometimes to find trendy, affordable and modest clothing! So here is a list of a few of my favorites!

1) Mikarose: Reinventing Modesty

Mikarose is a newer discovery of mine and I love their cute and feminine style. If you missed it, I have a giveaway going on right now for a $50 gift certificate to Mikarose! Hurry over and enter for your chance to win some cute and modest clothing!

I got to review their lace top, and I am in love! It is such high quality that I know it will last for years and is so cute!

2) Paulina Carmel Modest Clothing

I haven’t shopped from here before but their dresses are oh so cute!

3) Novae Clothing Modest Clothing

While some of their dresses are out of my normal everyday clothing budget, for a special occasion they would be perfect! Like this adorable polka dot dress. I need this right now!

4) ModBod Modest Clothing

I LOVE ModBod! I have several pieces of their layering clothing and I think they are the secret to my modest dressing ;)

The perfect tank is my favorite item. I wear it under shirts and it’s the perfect thing to wear under most dresses! I have it in white, black, pink, and brown. They do roadshows in Costco every year and I always stock up on my layering basics because their prices are fantastic when they do a Costco roadshow! See if there is one near you.

See that brown thank? Thanks to ModBod I can actually wear this shirt! {We took this when we found out I was pregnant :)}

5) Lime Ricki Swim Wear

For the past few years Lime Ricki has been my go to place to get bathing suits! Here are my sister’s and I all in Lime Ricki swimsuits :) Unfortunately it seems that their latest line of bathing suits are not as modest and most are too low cut :( My sister ordered one this year and it’s too low cut to wear. But they do have some cute ones still and maybe next year will come back out with a more modest line!

6) Down East Basics Modest Clothing

This is a company that many are familiar with. I love their trendy styles and their sales!

7) Sierra Brooke Modest Clothing

A little pricey for me, but their dresses are just adorable!!

8) Shabby Apple Modest Clothing

Here is another favorite of many! I drool over their dresses since I can’t afford them but maybe one day I’ll get one as a gift ;)

9) Divinita Sole Swim Wear

I have not ordered from them yet because their bathing suits are a bit more expensive BUT I may just have to this year. They have some really cute designs!

10) Jen Clothing

Jen Clothing has some really cute tops and dresses! I may need to do an order soon. {They also have some cute bathing suits!}

11) Apricot Apparel

I stumbled across this little website a few years ago. On a whim I decided to try their cami out and have been in love ever since! The cami is my best layering tool. I wear a cami under almost everything. It’s the perfect way to be able to wear nearly any shirt or dress that would normally be far too low cut. And the Apricot Apparel cami’s work better and are higher than any I have ever tried!

See the white cami I wore when we announced the twin’s genders?

Do you have any modest clothing favorites? Pass them along!

What Modesty is {and isn’t}: A Practical Approach

August 9, 2012 By Jami Balmet 26 Comments

In our A Modest Heart series, we have been reviewing what the Bible has to say about modesty and what is really at the HEART of modesty. Now I would like to shift the attention a little bit away from the heart of modesty to the practical application of modesty.

My Journey

The idea of modesty didn’t really click for me right away. In middle school and high school I didn’t really hear a word about modesty. I wasn’t taught about it in church or youth group, and I wasn’t actively ignoring the Bible’s teaching on it. I just was ignorant to what the Bible had to say about modesty.

I think that a large amount of the women in the modern church are this way too, not blatantly ignoring God’s teaching on this subject, but rather ignorant to what it Scripture really teaches about modesty.

It wasn’t until I started hearing solid teaching from Scripture on modesty that the Lord started to change my heart and mind. But it still didn’t seem like that big a deal to me.

Because really, the term modesty seems so ambiguous. I didn’t wear mini skirts or walk around with see-through clothing or anything. It seemed like such a hard concept to nail down.

That is, until I started studying about what modesty means in relation to the men around me. 1 Corinthians 8: 9-13 teaches that we are to not be a stumbling block to those around us. If we have it in our power to help weaker Christians in their walk with the Lord and not to stumble into sin then we need to be doing that.

Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble. 1 Corinthians 8:13

We are also called to serve one another in love. Maybe we don’t feel convicted that our dress is immodest and we can live in Christian liberty, but we should not live in the flesh. We should serve those around us, and that means serving our brothers.

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. ~ Galatians 5:13

I have heard the argument before that it’s the man’s fault that he is lusting. That is his sin to deal with. I completely disagree. Now I’m not saying that if one man can’t look at a woman’s face without lusting then all women should cover their face up, of course not. But rather, within reason, we should help the men in our lives.

Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea. ~ Mark 9:42

When I started to see that a big part of our responsibility with Modesty is in our relationship to our brother’s in Christ, things started to click. I could finally see some guidelines forming in my head about modesty.

Open and Honest Talks about Modesty

I heard a college pastor talking openly with the women one Sunday morning. He asked all the men to leave after he had given his sermon on modesty. The next ten minutes were spent discussing what is appropriate dress and what isn’t. This helped open up my eyes to what men really think about clothing and modesty.

They surveyed dozens of men within the church and asked THEM what made them stumble when it came to how the women in the church were dressing. Some of their biggest stumbling blocks were in seeing cleavage of any kind, midriff showing, short shorts, and more. Finally, someone had come along and TOLD me what causes men to stumble (from the men’s own mouths).

Women’s brains work so differently compared to men’s. And for young women especially, who are not married, it is often very hard to know what causes those men in your Bible study and church to stumble.

This is where asking the men in your congregation and household what is modest is an excellent way to help guide those in your church on modesty.

Another excellent resource is The Modesty Survey. In this 148 question survey, over 1600 Christian men (ages 12-50) submitted their answers to what they felt was modest and what was not. The survey covers everything from swim suits, to dresses, to pants, and more! I would take a few minutes and sit down and look over this survey yourself. Encourage any other women in your life (daughters, sisters, friends) to look it over as well.

So What is Modesty {and what isn’t it}?

Some of their results were surprising to me, and others were eye opening. Here are a few thought provoking results from the study.

What men think about modesty in general:

Guys notice whether a girl dresses modestly or not ~ 66.9% strongly agree and another 29.4% agree. {96.3% Total}

Despite rampant immodesty all around us, girls who choose to dress modestly do make a difference. ~58.5% strongly agree and another 33% agree. {91.5% Total}

Girls can dress attractively without being immodest. ~ 78.3 strongly agree and another 19.1% agree. {97.4% Total}

A guy can consider a girl attractive without thinking about her in an impure way. ~ 66.4% strongly agree and another 29% agree. {95.4% Total}

A modestly dressed girl can still be a stumbling block because of her attitude and behavior. ~53.5% strongly agree and another 40.3% agree. {93.8% Total}

Practical Tips from Men on Modesty:

Showing any cleavage is immodest. ~36.6% strongly agree and another 33.8% agree. {70.4% Total}

Bikini swimsuits are immodest. ~59.3% strongly agree and another 25% agree. {With 6.8% feeling neutral on this, only 8.8% of men disagree with this, or only 93 men out of over 1600 surveyed. This is eye opening!) {84.3% Total}

A two-piece swimsuit consisting of a long tank top and skort is modest. ~19.1% strongly agree and another 52.5% agree. {71.6% Total}

It is okay to show cleavage when wearing a swimsuit. ~34.6% strongly disagree and another 35.7% disagree. {70.3% Total}

Jeans are generally immodest, even if they aren’t tight. ~41.6% strongly disagree and another 35.9% disagree. {I find this one very interesting in the debates between skirts only vs. pants} {77.5% total}

It is immodest for a girl to expose her legs up to mid-thigh. ~28.6% strongly agree and another 35.9% agree. {64.5% Total}

Miniskirts, long shirts, or short dresses over leggings are a stumbling block. ~26.4% strongly agree and another 38.5% agree. {This one is becoming more and more common} {64.9% Total}

My Standard of Dress:

Yes, this is a lot to digest and I only covered a couple of the questions they asked the men. Some of the questions are open ended as well, so it’s really eye opening to see how they responded to those questions.

I did want to share what my personal standard of modesty is. And it seems to always be changing as I get older and more convicted by the Lord. But please note, I do not think this should be the standard for everyone! In fact, my sisters and I (who all hold to a really high standard of modesty) can tend to disagree sometimes on what is modest and what isn’t.

But I thought it might be helpful to share my own personal convictions.

1) Cleavage: I don’t show my cleavage. As a general rule, I wear shirts that are high enough to cover my cleavage OR I wear cami’s underneath (they are my best friend!!).

2) Sleeveless: I will wear sleeveless shirts/dresses depending on the style. Some clothing is tight fitted or really open around the arms. But generally I will wear sleeveless that covers my entire shoulders. But I do not wear spaghetti strap shirts by themselves.

3) Midriff: I do not show my midriff. Period.

4) Shorts/skirts length: This has changed over the years a bit. But in general I do not wear anything above the knee. I do have one pair of jean shorts that just barley reach to my knee, but because they are not very tight my husband and I determined that they are just fine. The same goes true for dresses. I generally do not wear them above my knee. Sometimes this rule is flexible because even a skintight dress that goes to your knees may be very immodest whereas a very flowy dress that reaches just above the knees with tights on underneath may be modest.

5) Tightness: This is a hard one for me to judge sometimes. I do not want to wear skin tight clothing but sometimes it’s a hard line to walk. This is where my husbands valuable opinion matters.

6) Bathing Suit: I like Tankinis because in general I don’t think they are as tight as one pieces. My tankinis always reach past my stomach so even if I move around my stomach isn’t exposed. I also wear a skort or shorts with my bathing suit, always.

I hope you found this encouraging and not legalistic. Ultimately, what is important to the Lord is what is in our hearts. But we are also called to humbly serve Him and serve those around us. God commands us to live modest lives and we cannot ignore that command.

What Scripture Teaches about Modesty

August 2, 2012 By Jami Balmet 14 Comments

An honest and open talk about modesty must begin with the Bible. As Christians, the Bible is our ultimate authority for what we say, how we dress, how we act, and how we live our lives. It doesn’t matter what I have to say on the subject or what the world has to say. Ultimately, the only truth in this world is what Scripture teaches, and its teachings are all we need to run our lives.

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. ~2 Timothy 3:16

God’s word is truth. He gave us His holy word so that we could learn how to live lives for Him. By reading and studying God’s word, the man (or woman) of God may be complete, and ready to handle EVERY good work. Scripture is sufficient to teach us all that we need to know about living a Christian life, parenting, work, ethics, morals, and yes, even how to dress. We must first know and grasp that before we can delve into how the Bible handles modesty and dress.

Scripture does not go into every detail. It doesn’t talk about hemline lengths or how tight is too tight. But it does give general principles on how to live a Godly life. From there we must go to the Lord in prayer and ask Him to convict our hearts and show us His way for modesty.

While Paul does not speak to specific guidelines when it comes to dress, he does call women to be modest and to have self control. The New Testament church hearing this for the first time would not have been confused on what modest dress means. Many in the church that Paul wrote to were copying the fashion of the Roman ladies, which was provocative and extravagant. They dressed to seduce. In contrast, the woman of the church were expected to where modest clothing that did not draw sexual attention to themselves.

Essentially, modesty is putting on an attitude of humility. Humility in dress, in speech and in life. A humble woman does not draw unnecessary attention to herself, but rather serves her brothers and sisters in humility.

Part of our modest and humble heart is serving those around us. The Bible commands us to not be stumbling blocks to one another. You may feel comfortable wearing a mini skirt, but chances are, it is causing a brother around you to stumble.

But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak. For if anyone sees you who have knowledge eating in an idol’s temple, will he not be encouraged, if his conscience is weak, to eat food offered to idols? And so by your knowledge this weak person isdestroyed, the brother for whom Christ died. Thus, sinning against your brothers and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ.Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble. 1 Corinthians 8:9-13

This verse is talking about eating food that was previously forbidden under the old law, but is now acceptable under the New Testament covenant. But, even in this context, where eating the food is acceptable by God, if it makes your brother stumble to eat it, then don’t. God clearly commands this, if it is causing your brother to stumble then it’s not okay.

We need to be careful to not take this to the extreme. Some men have such a problem with lust that looking at any woman in any condition will cause them to lust. We obviously cannot base modesty on them. But we should be concerned about the teenage boys in our youth groups, and the men across the pew, and the pastors in charge of our congregation. Are we making it difficult for them to stay pure at church and at Bible study?

And unfortunately, our modern fashion and clothing are designed for just that. Sex appeal. We must be careful to not buy into this fashion crazed culture. We can have some fun shopping and enjoy being trendy without causing our brothers to stumble and not being humble and modest in our dress.

C.J. Mahaney said it well,

Modesty means propriety. It means avoiding clothes and adornment that are extravagant or sexually enticing. Modesty is humility expressed in dress. It’s a desire to serve others, particularly men, by not promoting or provoking sensuality. 1

Likewise he shares what immodesty looks like,

Immodesty, then, is much more than wearing a short skirt or low-cut top; it’s the act of drawing undue attention to yourself. It’s pride, on display by what you wear.

Scripture commands that we dress modestly. God wants women to learn to be modest, self-controlled, and humble in our dress and how we act. We are also commanded to not be stumbling blocks to our brothers. This means wearing clothing that will not cause them to lust. Clothing that emphasizes cleavage, is too tight, too short, shows too much skin, too much leg, ect. Specific modesty guidelines will differ from household to household based on how the Lord convicts each person individually.

But a good starting place is to read C.J. Mahaney’s God, My Heart, and Clothes. His wife, Carolyn Mahaney wrote an excellent pamphlet, the Modesty Heart Check, which helps outline certain styles of dress that may be less modest than others. Another excellent resource is to ask the men in your life.

Do you live at home still? Ask your father before you buy a new outfit or leave the home. I know, this sounds extreme if you are not used to doing this. But your Dad can give you an accurate idea of what MEN are thinking of when they see you in an outfit. What seems cute and innocent to us, can drive men wild. My husband greatly helps me with this. My husband can give his opinion and share how men might be seeing my outfit.